what happened? part 2: the surgery

Thursday, November 13, 2014 just seemed like a very long day. That evening, Bear was transferred to the ICU so his condition can be monitored. They put him on heparin to avoid blood clots and he was hooked on to a monitor. I went back to the hospital to check on him that night; he was still his usual self: funny and so full of life but he might have felt the need to do so because he knew I'm a worrier. Besides, he also knew that I was already stressed out all week long preparing for my third Accounting exam the next day. In fact, he apologized that it had to happen the day before my exam. Typical Art, he'd apologize for everything even when it isn't his fault. Anyway, I only stayed with him for a couple of hours that night. We can still talk on the phone or Skype with each other from home until we fall asleep, so it wasn't so bad.

The next five days felt like torture. The doctors said they need to keep him in the ICU to give Bear's heart time to recover from the strain of the heart attack that he almost had before they'll do the bypass surgery. I was scared but I have faith in the Lord so I knew in my heart my husband will be alright. Then came Saturday, the surgeon came in along with the daytime nurse and talked to us about what's going to happen and what's to be expected during and after surgery. The surgeon was very straight-forward and didn't sugarcoat anything. "It's a major surgery and yes you can die on the operating table but you also have great chances of surviving". The nurse added that he can look scary after surgery because tubes will be coming out of him and he'll have life support on. As soon as Bear heard of life support, he immediately turned to me and said, "Ah life support, honey don't let them keep me on life support. If I die, let me go." That was it for me, my calmness left me and I was a nervous wreck. I held in my tears until it was time to head home.

As soon as I got out of the ICU, my tears poured in. For the longest time, I was calm but now it just hit me, my husband can die and I just don't think I'm ready for that. I wiped my tears with one hand while the other held on to the stirring wheel. Bear told me I had to be safe while driving because he wouldn't be there to pick me up if I get into an accident. I got home safely but I cried myself to sleep that night. Sunday, was primary program at church so the kids had to be there. As soon as the opening hymn started, I couldn't keep myself from crying. The possibility of my husband dying is just not something I was willing to accept at that time and it seemed like every song that the primary kids sang in that program made it easier for my tears to roll down. I got a priesthood blessing after sacrament and even though I was still sad and scared, I calmed down. I felt like even when I wanted to cry, something's not letting me. I took it as the spirit telling me, everything will be alright, Bear's going to come out of this just fine. That night, he asked me to bring the kids to his room; he said he had asked permission from the nurses but the boys can only stay for 15 minutes because technically, they're not allowed in the ICU. So, I took the boys in that night and they were able to give their daddy hugs and kisses. Bear was more worried about Aiden because his 9th birthday was coming up and Bear didn't want him to be sad that he couldn't be there. He explained to them what was going on and that he strongly believed he will be fine.

Tuesday, November 18th: surgery day came and not a single sign of worry on Bear's face. He was always positive and had the ability to always see the good in everything/everyone. He even told me, "Hey honey, you can use this for your interviews; say my husband had a bypass surgery while I was getting ready for finals, they're going to think you can handle stress so well" and followed it with a big grin on his face that made him look like a clown so it would always make me smile even when I didn't want to. The surgery went well, no complications and Bear was responding great to everything they did. He was breathing on his own but was still hooked on to the life support. He was still asleep when I came back around 6pm that day. The surgeon and the nurse taking care of Bear that day told me they expect him to wake up later that night. The nurse didn't want me there too long coz they were doing all kinds of stuff on Bear such as x-rays, etc. I left the hospital feeling hopeful just like what was mentioned in the priesthood blessing he got, he will get through this. Just before I went to bed that night, I thought I'd check on him so I called the hospital. His night time nurse told me he had just woken up so life support was off. I was so happy, my chest felt like it was going to open up so my heart can jump for joy! At 6am the next day, Bear called me on the phone and I was even happier. He is going to be just fine, I was sure of it.