My 20th birthday fell on the Easter break that year so it took a while before I could go back and check my messages from Bear. Even though he knew I wasn't going to be there to reply on his emails, he sent me an email every single day. I thought that was so sweet of him to actually be thinking of me everyday. Of course when I came back to the office, I sent him a very long email in reply to all the messages he had sent me.
A month had passed since we started corresponding. I started to notice that my life had changed, I got excited every time I thought of his name. His email messages and chats became the highlights of my day. I felt something different about him but I didn't think it was something deeper than infatuation. Eventually, after days and days of talking through emails and chats, Bear asked me to be his girlfriend. I can't remember exactly if I said "yes" right away but I knew I had prayed about it. I don't think I asked Heavenly Father if he was the one, I think I just asked Him to make him be the one because he was everything I had hoped and prayed for since I was a little girl. He was sweet, always thinking about me. He had a great sense of humor, always making me smile even from across the globe. He was honest even though some of the things he told me made me cry--a lot! He was driven, always acting upon an idea and never ran out of things to do. He was smart and intelligent, his arguments were always supported with studies and research. He had a strong faith in the gospel, the only thing in this world he was not willing to give up for me. He was respectful, he made sure to write my parents by hand through post mail to let them know of his intentions and above all, he thought I was the most beautiful thing God has ever created!
Growing up in the Philippines, no one has ever made me feel that I was beautiful. Yeah I had some sweet friends who told me I was pretty but they were girls. When I was a little girl, I actually thought I'd end up marrying some ugly guy across the street coz that's all I deserved. As a matter of fact, the guy I met online before Bear was not good-looking at all. I was not excited about the future. At one point in my life, I actually believed that love is only for the good-looking people and there is no such hope for me. As young as probably 9 or 10 years old, I prayed silently to Heavenly Father that if I ever get married, I hope that my husband would really think I'm pretty. I don't know how that could have been possible but I knew Heavenly Father listens to prayers. Boy did He ever! I got everything I prayed for and more!
Ever wonder why I call him Bear? Shortly after I said yes to be Art's girlfriend, he asked me what I would like to be called and for reasons I can't seem to remember I said I wanted to be called Honey. I asked him what he would like to be called and he told me while he was working offshore, some guys at work called him Bear and he liked that and so Bear it was. He was my Bear and mine alone.
A couple of months had passed and we were getting stronger. It felt like we knew each other for so long. Long emails and chats everyday and phone calls on occasion really got us to where we felt like we've met and known each other so well. I remember Bear would send me such long emails of questions. They were different situations and he'd ask what I'd do in every single one of them. I felt like he was giving me essay tests, which later I found out to be true because he had sent the same questions to different girls and apparently, I was the only one who answered them the way he wanted them answered! Anyway, I spent hours answering those questions. I answered them the way I pictured my future family would be like not the way my culture or my parents did things. After I answered his questions, he sent me his answers and then we went over them when we chatted.
Three months since the day we've met, we were already talking about the possibility of getting married. We talked about how I'd like to be married, what it would look like and where it was going to be. He didn't ask me to marry him though. It was basically just a discussion. A few days after that, Bear just decided to break up with me. He didn't really explain things to me at the time, he just said we were done. I called him on the phone and practically begged him but his decision was final. I asked if we could be friends and he said no. I was heartbroken. I felt like the world fell on me and all I could see was darkness. I was so used to him being in my life everyday that I had no clue what I was going to do the next day. I could no longer see my future without him in it. I felt like I've actually flooded the world with my tears.
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