I cried for a good day or two after we broke up. I never thought break-ups could be that bad coz my first break-up was not nearly as bad. Bear had told me never to contact him again but I wasn't about to give up just yet. I remember that website he gave me before, I knew he'll be there posting or lurking but either way, I knew he'll see my message. I went to planet-love.com and posted for the first time with the name "foolish girl." I didn't tell them who I was but I told them this guy (no name) broke up with me and I can't remember the rest. Unfortunately, planet-love only kept archives of the posts created since 2001 so we'll never know what I've said. Bear replied under my post saying that "this guy" was so stupid for breaking up with such a sweet girl as myself; to which I replied with "please do not call my guy stupid." I kept on posting messages of how I missed him so much and posted the lyrics to the song "As I Lay Me Down" by Sophie Hawkins. Bear had told me about this song and I've sang it to him a few times before; the words just seemed to fit how I felt at the time. I had no doubt he knew exactly who "foolish girl" was but if he thought his decision was stupid why did he let me go?
Three days later, yup just three days! I know it sounded like such a long time but three days later, Bear came back to chat with me on mIRC. I remember my heart jumped for joy! I wondered why he came back online but I was extremely happy. For the past month, we had been chatting exclusively; yes there is a way to find out if you were chatting with a bunch of people on that program and we both know how to do it. Anyway, Bear apologized for breaking up with me and told me all about the legal battle and stuff. He said something about me waiting for seven years, I told him I didn't mind waiting for 7yrs, I was only 20 and I had initially planned on getting married at 28 so 7yrs wouldn't have been a big deal to me but he thought it wasn't right to keep me waiting that long so he basically had to let go of the legal battle in my favor. At the time, I really had no clue how much he was giving up for me because all I cared about was that he was back in my life!
The next month, Bear decided to buy me a cellphone because his phone bills from my collect calls skyrocketed. I didn't want to accept any amount of money from him; my dad had told me when I received that package on my birthday that I should be careful because Bear might ask me to do something that I won't be able to refuse. I think my dad was thinking along the lines of censored stuff but he really didn't explain it well. I told Bear about that so he then told me to buy the cellphone for him and asked me to take care of it until he got there, to which I agreed. As soon as I got it, Bear and I talked on the phone regularly. He was my alarm clock for months! He'd wake me up in the mornings, ah what better way to get up in the morning and on weekends we would talk on the phone all night long for me and about half of his day here in Houston. I remember my dad got mad once or twice or maybe more coz he could hear me talking from the other room and he couldn't sleep. My dad would say, "tell that guy it's the middle of the night, I need some sleep!" Ah my poor dad, I'd just laugh and not tell Bear anyway, haha! After that, I became more considerate and learned how to whisper!
The phone calls in addition to the long chats and emails we've had helped us to get to know each other really well. However, we constantly got tested that at one point I was wondering if we were really meant to be together or not. That's where all the prayers and fasting came in. I knew in my heart that I love Bear because of what I felt when he broke up with me. I've never felt that way from any man I've met before. So, I've prayed about it. Some girls had told me in the past about a story where one girl asked God for a sign that this man was the right one for her; she had asked for a white rose and blah blah he gave her a white rose and they lived happily ever after--you get the picture. Anyway, here comes Marissa who thought that would be interesting to try on. I asked for a sign that if Art was the one, I would see flowers. I've never received flowers before and I don't think Bear would send me flowers because there was no occasion for it but whatever, if he's the one, Heavenly Father would find a way. One morning, I got on a jeepney to go to school and what do I see? Flowers of course! Not for me though but there's this kid and his mom with buckets of flowers inside the jeepney. I think they were on their way to the market to sell the flowers. I knew that was my answer because I remembered what I asked Heavenly Father when I saw the flowers but I didn't stop there because I thought it could have been just coincidence. So on another occasion, I remember there was a blackout in the area where my family lived but my cellphone was fully charged so I prayed that night that if Art was really the one for me, that he would call me right then. I can't remember what I was thinking at the time because it wasn't Saturday night. Bear only called me late at night on Saturdays coz he stays home half of the day. I guess you could say I didn't make it easy for Heavenly Father but what do I know? A few minutes later the phone rang, my heart was beating so hard, I was extremely shocked! It's not that I didn't have faith but the fact that I was afraid the answer might not be what I wanted. When I answered the phone, I was just so happy and excited I asked him if I can sing him a song. "Do you know you just answered a prayer?," Bear asked and I thought man that's really corny. I thought it was just one of those famous pick up lines I heard on tv. To be honest, I didn't believe him until after we were already married and that's when I told him about my prayer as well.
To this day, I have no doubt I was meant to be his wife and he was meant to be my man.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Saturday, December 27, 2014
my side of the story: part 2 - falling
My 20th birthday fell on the Easter break that year so it took a while before I could go back and check my messages from Bear. Even though he knew I wasn't going to be there to reply on his emails, he sent me an email every single day. I thought that was so sweet of him to actually be thinking of me everyday. Of course when I came back to the office, I sent him a very long email in reply to all the messages he had sent me.
A month had passed since we started corresponding. I started to notice that my life had changed, I got excited every time I thought of his name. His email messages and chats became the highlights of my day. I felt something different about him but I didn't think it was something deeper than infatuation. Eventually, after days and days of talking through emails and chats, Bear asked me to be his girlfriend. I can't remember exactly if I said "yes" right away but I knew I had prayed about it. I don't think I asked Heavenly Father if he was the one, I think I just asked Him to make him be the one because he was everything I had hoped and prayed for since I was a little girl. He was sweet, always thinking about me. He had a great sense of humor, always making me smile even from across the globe. He was honest even though some of the things he told me made me cry--a lot! He was driven, always acting upon an idea and never ran out of things to do. He was smart and intelligent, his arguments were always supported with studies and research. He had a strong faith in the gospel, the only thing in this world he was not willing to give up for me. He was respectful, he made sure to write my parents by hand through post mail to let them know of his intentions and above all, he thought I was the most beautiful thing God has ever created!
Growing up in the Philippines, no one has ever made me feel that I was beautiful. Yeah I had some sweet friends who told me I was pretty but they were girls. When I was a little girl, I actually thought I'd end up marrying some ugly guy across the street coz that's all I deserved. As a matter of fact, the guy I met online before Bear was not good-looking at all. I was not excited about the future. At one point in my life, I actually believed that love is only for the good-looking people and there is no such hope for me. As young as probably 9 or 10 years old, I prayed silently to Heavenly Father that if I ever get married, I hope that my husband would really think I'm pretty. I don't know how that could have been possible but I knew Heavenly Father listens to prayers. Boy did He ever! I got everything I prayed for and more!
Ever wonder why I call him Bear? Shortly after I said yes to be Art's girlfriend, he asked me what I would like to be called and for reasons I can't seem to remember I said I wanted to be called Honey. I asked him what he would like to be called and he told me while he was working offshore, some guys at work called him Bear and he liked that and so Bear it was. He was my Bear and mine alone.
A couple of months had passed and we were getting stronger. It felt like we knew each other for so long. Long emails and chats everyday and phone calls on occasion really got us to where we felt like we've met and known each other so well. I remember Bear would send me such long emails of questions. They were different situations and he'd ask what I'd do in every single one of them. I felt like he was giving me essay tests, which later I found out to be true because he had sent the same questions to different girls and apparently, I was the only one who answered them the way he wanted them answered! Anyway, I spent hours answering those questions. I answered them the way I pictured my future family would be like not the way my culture or my parents did things. After I answered his questions, he sent me his answers and then we went over them when we chatted.
Three months since the day we've met, we were already talking about the possibility of getting married. We talked about how I'd like to be married, what it would look like and where it was going to be. He didn't ask me to marry him though. It was basically just a discussion. A few days after that, Bear just decided to break up with me. He didn't really explain things to me at the time, he just said we were done. I called him on the phone and practically begged him but his decision was final. I asked if we could be friends and he said no. I was heartbroken. I felt like the world fell on me and all I could see was darkness. I was so used to him being in my life everyday that I had no clue what I was going to do the next day. I could no longer see my future without him in it. I felt like I've actually flooded the world with my tears.
A month had passed since we started corresponding. I started to notice that my life had changed, I got excited every time I thought of his name. His email messages and chats became the highlights of my day. I felt something different about him but I didn't think it was something deeper than infatuation. Eventually, after days and days of talking through emails and chats, Bear asked me to be his girlfriend. I can't remember exactly if I said "yes" right away but I knew I had prayed about it. I don't think I asked Heavenly Father if he was the one, I think I just asked Him to make him be the one because he was everything I had hoped and prayed for since I was a little girl. He was sweet, always thinking about me. He had a great sense of humor, always making me smile even from across the globe. He was honest even though some of the things he told me made me cry--a lot! He was driven, always acting upon an idea and never ran out of things to do. He was smart and intelligent, his arguments were always supported with studies and research. He had a strong faith in the gospel, the only thing in this world he was not willing to give up for me. He was respectful, he made sure to write my parents by hand through post mail to let them know of his intentions and above all, he thought I was the most beautiful thing God has ever created!
Growing up in the Philippines, no one has ever made me feel that I was beautiful. Yeah I had some sweet friends who told me I was pretty but they were girls. When I was a little girl, I actually thought I'd end up marrying some ugly guy across the street coz that's all I deserved. As a matter of fact, the guy I met online before Bear was not good-looking at all. I was not excited about the future. At one point in my life, I actually believed that love is only for the good-looking people and there is no such hope for me. As young as probably 9 or 10 years old, I prayed silently to Heavenly Father that if I ever get married, I hope that my husband would really think I'm pretty. I don't know how that could have been possible but I knew Heavenly Father listens to prayers. Boy did He ever! I got everything I prayed for and more!
Ever wonder why I call him Bear? Shortly after I said yes to be Art's girlfriend, he asked me what I would like to be called and for reasons I can't seem to remember I said I wanted to be called Honey. I asked him what he would like to be called and he told me while he was working offshore, some guys at work called him Bear and he liked that and so Bear it was. He was my Bear and mine alone.
A couple of months had passed and we were getting stronger. It felt like we knew each other for so long. Long emails and chats everyday and phone calls on occasion really got us to where we felt like we've met and known each other so well. I remember Bear would send me such long emails of questions. They were different situations and he'd ask what I'd do in every single one of them. I felt like he was giving me essay tests, which later I found out to be true because he had sent the same questions to different girls and apparently, I was the only one who answered them the way he wanted them answered! Anyway, I spent hours answering those questions. I answered them the way I pictured my future family would be like not the way my culture or my parents did things. After I answered his questions, he sent me his answers and then we went over them when we chatted.
Three months since the day we've met, we were already talking about the possibility of getting married. We talked about how I'd like to be married, what it would look like and where it was going to be. He didn't ask me to marry him though. It was basically just a discussion. A few days after that, Bear just decided to break up with me. He didn't really explain things to me at the time, he just said we were done. I called him on the phone and practically begged him but his decision was final. I asked if we could be friends and he said no. I was heartbroken. I felt like the world fell on me and all I could see was darkness. I was so used to him being in my life everyday that I had no clue what I was going to do the next day. I could no longer see my future without him in it. I felt like I've actually flooded the world with my tears.
Friday, December 26, 2014
my side of the story: part 1- beginnings
The next chapter on Bear's side of our story talks about our wedding so I thought I'd wait until our anniversary to post that and write about my side of the story instead.
The oldest in a brood of six, who had only one thing going for herself--scholarly achievements! Yup, that was me! I was raised in a society where even my own family told me I was not blessed with physical beauty. No worries, it was never a big deal for me. For the longest time, I didn't even care if I had powdered my face or if I had combed my hair. I figured who in the world am I trying to impress anyway? It bothered my mom that at 18, I didn't have a single guy come to our home for courtship. Apparently, she had guys lining up at my grandparents' yard when she was only 13! I can totally understand her worry but like I said it never bothered me. I wasn't thinking about getting married any time soon so why bother? The only boyfriend-girlfriend relationship I had was with this Filipino from the northern part of the country whom I met chatting online but never met in person so I don't really think he should be counted.
Scholarly achievements were so important to me back then because I came from a financially-unstable family. At a young age, I was made aware that my future role would be to lift my family out of poverty and the only way to achieve that is to excel in school and obtain an advanced degree. I was well on my way to accomplish this goal when I was robbed (that's right "you" as in authorities involved robbed me and you know it but thank you!) of an award/honor back in my sophomore year in high school but it was actually a blessing in disguise. Because I failed to avail the scholarship that came with the award/honor, I moved to a different high school in my junior year, which led me to avail a work scholarship at a Catholic college. I was a full-time college student on a work scholarship, a program at the school intended for students who needed financial help. The program required that I work 6 hours on weekdays, 4 hours on weekends and any amount of time on Sundays if needed. It also required that I maintain a grade, hence the name. I, along with hundreds of incoming freshmen took a series of tests and a final interview to get into this program. I got in the top 2 of the final exam and passed the interview as well. Because of the said performance, I was chosen to be assigned in an office where work was expected to be more intense compared to a regular office with regular schedules. Because we needed to maintain a certain grade while working at the same time, they prefer students who showed high academic potentials based on the results of the tests they gave us to work at the computer laboratory or so I was told by the scholarship coordinator. You would think I'd be flattered and I guess partly I was but then my entire experience at the laboratory was not pure heaven for reasons I am not willing to disclose. However, I endured all that and actually got something great out of it; the ability to chat on the internet!
April 3, 2000 PH time around 11am, which would make it April 2 Houston time: It was enrollment time for summer classes so it was not a busy day work-wise. I met Bear chatting on mIRC #davao channel under the dalnet group, which had been my online hangout for quite some time. I knew almost everyone who chatted in that channel so when I saw the name "lonelyman"(I don't know why Bear remembered it as A_lonely_male), I chatted in. I asked him why he was lonely and he said "No one to hug me." I thought that was really odd but I gave him a cyber hug {{HUGS}} and he thanked me. I had no idea that he wasn't local at all, I just thought that everyone chatting in that channel lived in Davao so it was a shock to me when I found out he was American. He told me he was 45, I really didn't think anything about it that's why it came as a surprise that he didn't seem to like the fact that I was 19 but it did make him feel better when I told him I will be turning 20 in a few weeks. At that time, I really didn't understand why my age was such a concern to him. It's not that I was young and naive (well maybe I was) but the age difference didn't really bother me because I didn't think I was going to like him in a romantic way. As a matter of fact and contrary to what my peers might have thought back then, finding a boyfriend was not my intent for chatting. I just thought it was fun and I was just really fascinated with the whole "advanced technology" thingamajig.
We exchanged pictures right then and I guess he thought I looked pretty decent enough to continue chatting with me (HAHA!). Our first chat did not last that long. Apparently, his son called for some emergency that night but before he signed off, he left me his email address. After our chat, I emailed him just to say thank you and from then on, we chatted or emailed each other every day. A few days before my 20th birthday, he kept asking me, "hugged a bear lately?" I didn't really understood it at the time until my birthday came. On my 20th birthday, I was surprised to receive a package from Bear. It had a small teddy bear, a green shirt and a honeysuckle Yankee candle. It was then that I realized what his question meant and it made me smile. I remember the candle smelled so good so I kept it in my room and never burned it. When Bear sent me that package, my parents knew it wasn't going to be just a simple friendship like I had previously told them but in my heart, I really had no clue where we're going to end up.
The oldest in a brood of six, who had only one thing going for herself--scholarly achievements! Yup, that was me! I was raised in a society where even my own family told me I was not blessed with physical beauty. No worries, it was never a big deal for me. For the longest time, I didn't even care if I had powdered my face or if I had combed my hair. I figured who in the world am I trying to impress anyway? It bothered my mom that at 18, I didn't have a single guy come to our home for courtship. Apparently, she had guys lining up at my grandparents' yard when she was only 13! I can totally understand her worry but like I said it never bothered me. I wasn't thinking about getting married any time soon so why bother? The only boyfriend-girlfriend relationship I had was with this Filipino from the northern part of the country whom I met chatting online but never met in person so I don't really think he should be counted.
Scholarly achievements were so important to me back then because I came from a financially-unstable family. At a young age, I was made aware that my future role would be to lift my family out of poverty and the only way to achieve that is to excel in school and obtain an advanced degree. I was well on my way to accomplish this goal when I was robbed (that's right "you" as in authorities involved robbed me and you know it but thank you!) of an award/honor back in my sophomore year in high school but it was actually a blessing in disguise. Because I failed to avail the scholarship that came with the award/honor, I moved to a different high school in my junior year, which led me to avail a work scholarship at a Catholic college. I was a full-time college student on a work scholarship, a program at the school intended for students who needed financial help. The program required that I work 6 hours on weekdays, 4 hours on weekends and any amount of time on Sundays if needed. It also required that I maintain a grade, hence the name. I, along with hundreds of incoming freshmen took a series of tests and a final interview to get into this program. I got in the top 2 of the final exam and passed the interview as well. Because of the said performance, I was chosen to be assigned in an office where work was expected to be more intense compared to a regular office with regular schedules. Because we needed to maintain a certain grade while working at the same time, they prefer students who showed high academic potentials based on the results of the tests they gave us to work at the computer laboratory or so I was told by the scholarship coordinator. You would think I'd be flattered and I guess partly I was but then my entire experience at the laboratory was not pure heaven for reasons I am not willing to disclose. However, I endured all that and actually got something great out of it; the ability to chat on the internet!
April 3, 2000 PH time around 11am, which would make it April 2 Houston time: It was enrollment time for summer classes so it was not a busy day work-wise. I met Bear chatting on mIRC #davao channel under the dalnet group, which had been my online hangout for quite some time. I knew almost everyone who chatted in that channel so when I saw the name "lonelyman"(I don't know why Bear remembered it as A_lonely_male), I chatted in. I asked him why he was lonely and he said "No one to hug me." I thought that was really odd but I gave him a cyber hug {{HUGS}} and he thanked me. I had no idea that he wasn't local at all, I just thought that everyone chatting in that channel lived in Davao so it was a shock to me when I found out he was American. He told me he was 45, I really didn't think anything about it that's why it came as a surprise that he didn't seem to like the fact that I was 19 but it did make him feel better when I told him I will be turning 20 in a few weeks. At that time, I really didn't understand why my age was such a concern to him. It's not that I was young and naive (well maybe I was) but the age difference didn't really bother me because I didn't think I was going to like him in a romantic way. As a matter of fact and contrary to what my peers might have thought back then, finding a boyfriend was not my intent for chatting. I just thought it was fun and I was just really fascinated with the whole "advanced technology" thingamajig.
We exchanged pictures right then and I guess he thought I looked pretty decent enough to continue chatting with me (HAHA!). Our first chat did not last that long. Apparently, his son called for some emergency that night but before he signed off, he left me his email address. After our chat, I emailed him just to say thank you and from then on, we chatted or emailed each other every day. A few days before my 20th birthday, he kept asking me, "hugged a bear lately?" I didn't really understood it at the time until my birthday came. On my 20th birthday, I was surprised to receive a package from Bear. It had a small teddy bear, a green shirt and a honeysuckle Yankee candle. It was then that I realized what his question meant and it made me smile. I remember the candle smelled so good so I kept it in my room and never burned it. When Bear sent me that package, my parents knew it wasn't going to be just a simple friendship like I had previously told them but in my heart, I really had no clue where we're going to end up.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 3 (Love)
The
following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the
archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including
spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters
he had written. Thank you
Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
I guess everyone makes mistakes and I know I made a few myself but like I said earlier when everything goes right it all goes right and vice-versa. Well on the 1st night here Marissa was cold and I had her sit on my bed with me. I hugged her and kept her warm. We sat up all night listening to music from my laptop and hugging and kissing. We were not more than 10 feet from the chaperone, Joyal, so I didn’t think it was a problem. The chaperone told Marissa’s parents and said that she would not come to the wedding and that I was a good man while Marissa was bad. This didn’t bother me so much because Marissa and I were able to complain the innocence of what we did. Joyal then proceeded to tell some of the principal sponsors for the wedding, a policeman and his wife, and have them refuse to allow us to the church on the police compound for our wedding. The whole reason for coming here was so that a priest, in front of her parents, could perform the wedding service at a church for Honey and me. Of course my being LDS and her being Catholic had already caused some problems earlier in the relationship. Now they were resurfacing. To watch the one you love cry and have so little you can do about it tears the heart continuously without any mercy. I knew her parents would not allow Marissa to be married in my church by my Bishop. I still offered.
If anything bad happened I think good also came of this. Mr. Cabanig and I were able to have that long talk I felt cheated on when I first got here. I explained how I intended to give Marissa this wedding here in front of her parents in a church rather than take her to the USA to marry me there. And how that by doing that I was giving up almost a year with her so that she could have her dream to do this. I then discussed how much money I was going to give her as an allowance to live on while we waited for approval and that I wanted to buy her a certain value home that we could use for them to live in until we returned or to rent out for investment income. Of course he bargained for a better place but I don’t care, I was only working on an estimate and I want her to have the best. Marissa’s father was the most impressed with the laptop I gave Marissa because we intend to use a web cam, Dialpad, and Netmeeting to communicate without long distance charges and being able to see each other. I think he was very surprised also that I would save that much money by using the programs like Dialpad to substitute for the long distance charges.
I had also before leaving bought a digital camera as my Christmas present to myself. I was a big hit with everyone as well. They liked being able to see the pictures immediately after taking it. But everyone was amazed at how I could transfer it to the laptop and change the picture right there.
Getting ready for the wedding was primarily all we have done. I think we have gone from one end of this city to the other 50 times looking at reception rooms and hotels, getting invitations printed, buy things for the wedding like “give-a-ways” (ours will be these small cute ceramic “bear” whatnots). Getting paper for the invitations, going to printers, ordering the cake, getting the photographer lined out, finding just the right flowers, getting a wedding car, the wedding dress and my barong. There was also finding a place for the wedding to occur now that the church would not allow it anymore. We agreed to the function room at the Orange Grove Hotel and Convention center but then later got permission to have the wedding at the church as we had originally intended.
We also did some Christmas shopping. We bought her family an artificial Christmas tree and lights and then took Lechon (a large roasted pig) and chiffon cakes to the Christmas dinner. Once there we cooked spaghetti and rice for everyone while I had her oldest brother go and get fireworks. He got us twisters that you nail into a board then light and they spin one way then reverse. Everyone had a marvelous time especially me. Marissa was extremely happy.
It took a few days to start accepting Marissa for what she was and instead of seeing her for what I expected. I had remembered the cute things others had done for me in the past and I was actually letting myself get my feelings hurt that she wasn’t doing some of the same things. Then I wised up and noticed what she was doing and started trying to accept her for herself. She wanted nothing but to please me. I had to argue to buy her anything at all. She took care of me whether I wanted her to or not and I mean especially if I didn’t want it. I made the mistake of telling her I had been diabetic and had some medical problems. All of these things are behind me (or at least not so important as before) because I lost a lot of weight and got things under control. Too bad for me! She watched what I ate like a hawk – no chocolates or other candy, no ice cream or sweets. Gossh fellas! I’m on vacation (pouting)! The pouting didn’t work, by the way. She said I was going to live forever so I could take care of her – clearly she intends to make me do it too.
I was not allowed to travel on my own because her and her parents were so afraid of someone taking advantage of me, cheating me or kidnapping me. Fellas I can handle myself, quite willingly I might add. But she treats me like I am someone to be protected and cared for, not used. I’d ask her how I could retire here if I could not do things on my own. She responded with she would always be right beside me and she meant it. She did all the things necessary to complete our tasks together, and then she’d ride me home in a taxi, and return home to finish her chores, which included washing my clothes. Yes, she ironed my underwear!!! She didn’t hesitate to do any of her own responsibilities or to provide me with the smallest of considerations. If I dropped some crumbs on me while eating she was brushing them off, if I was sweated she was patting me with a handkerchief or fanning me, she must have fixed me a thousand drinks responding immediately (if not sooner) to every request. Everyone at her home did my bidding or you could see the sternness come out in her face as she gave them the “eye” and “told” them to do it. No one dared disobey her – including me! (Smile)
I have only heard one woman say “gwapo” since I came here and that was to Marissa. I really didn’t really care if all the women said things like that about me or maybe I would have listened and noticed that they were saying those things. I came for Marissa, not to see all the thousands of beautiful Filipinas everywhere. But Marissa said lots of women told her I was handsome, several where I overheard it. I didn’t need the ego boost but I was so happy to see it made Marissa happy. She was clearly very proud that other Filipinas thought me handsome.
Marissa is late. She is always late. The song “I Loved You Before I Met You” by Savage Garden is our song. I told Marissa that we were in Heaven together and it was time to come here to Earth to accomplish the things we asked of Heavenly Father. I said to Marissa “Let’s go” and she said” I’ll be right there! Go on ahead of me”. Obviously, she got here 20 years late. I think as each day passed she gets later and later but I don’t complain because she was taking me home then having to respond to her parents questions of what we had done that day. We had not had a chaperone since Joyal had talked to her parents. I don’t know, maybe it’s the traffic or the difference in attitudes here but nothing moves fast – especially Marissa. At one point she and I waited 2 hours for a taxi at the Mall and many times for an hour or more.
I guess everyone makes mistakes and I know I made a few myself but like I said earlier when everything goes right it all goes right and vice-versa. Well on the 1st night here Marissa was cold and I had her sit on my bed with me. I hugged her and kept her warm. We sat up all night listening to music from my laptop and hugging and kissing. We were not more than 10 feet from the chaperone, Joyal, so I didn’t think it was a problem. The chaperone told Marissa’s parents and said that she would not come to the wedding and that I was a good man while Marissa was bad. This didn’t bother me so much because Marissa and I were able to complain the innocence of what we did. Joyal then proceeded to tell some of the principal sponsors for the wedding, a policeman and his wife, and have them refuse to allow us to the church on the police compound for our wedding. The whole reason for coming here was so that a priest, in front of her parents, could perform the wedding service at a church for Honey and me. Of course my being LDS and her being Catholic had already caused some problems earlier in the relationship. Now they were resurfacing. To watch the one you love cry and have so little you can do about it tears the heart continuously without any mercy. I knew her parents would not allow Marissa to be married in my church by my Bishop. I still offered.
If anything bad happened I think good also came of this. Mr. Cabanig and I were able to have that long talk I felt cheated on when I first got here. I explained how I intended to give Marissa this wedding here in front of her parents in a church rather than take her to the USA to marry me there. And how that by doing that I was giving up almost a year with her so that she could have her dream to do this. I then discussed how much money I was going to give her as an allowance to live on while we waited for approval and that I wanted to buy her a certain value home that we could use for them to live in until we returned or to rent out for investment income. Of course he bargained for a better place but I don’t care, I was only working on an estimate and I want her to have the best. Marissa’s father was the most impressed with the laptop I gave Marissa because we intend to use a web cam, Dialpad, and Netmeeting to communicate without long distance charges and being able to see each other. I think he was very surprised also that I would save that much money by using the programs like Dialpad to substitute for the long distance charges.
I had also before leaving bought a digital camera as my Christmas present to myself. I was a big hit with everyone as well. They liked being able to see the pictures immediately after taking it. But everyone was amazed at how I could transfer it to the laptop and change the picture right there.
Getting ready for the wedding was primarily all we have done. I think we have gone from one end of this city to the other 50 times looking at reception rooms and hotels, getting invitations printed, buy things for the wedding like “give-a-ways” (ours will be these small cute ceramic “bear” whatnots). Getting paper for the invitations, going to printers, ordering the cake, getting the photographer lined out, finding just the right flowers, getting a wedding car, the wedding dress and my barong. There was also finding a place for the wedding to occur now that the church would not allow it anymore. We agreed to the function room at the Orange Grove Hotel and Convention center but then later got permission to have the wedding at the church as we had originally intended.
We also did some Christmas shopping. We bought her family an artificial Christmas tree and lights and then took Lechon (a large roasted pig) and chiffon cakes to the Christmas dinner. Once there we cooked spaghetti and rice for everyone while I had her oldest brother go and get fireworks. He got us twisters that you nail into a board then light and they spin one way then reverse. Everyone had a marvelous time especially me. Marissa was extremely happy.
It took a few days to start accepting Marissa for what she was and instead of seeing her for what I expected. I had remembered the cute things others had done for me in the past and I was actually letting myself get my feelings hurt that she wasn’t doing some of the same things. Then I wised up and noticed what she was doing and started trying to accept her for herself. She wanted nothing but to please me. I had to argue to buy her anything at all. She took care of me whether I wanted her to or not and I mean especially if I didn’t want it. I made the mistake of telling her I had been diabetic and had some medical problems. All of these things are behind me (or at least not so important as before) because I lost a lot of weight and got things under control. Too bad for me! She watched what I ate like a hawk – no chocolates or other candy, no ice cream or sweets. Gossh fellas! I’m on vacation (pouting)! The pouting didn’t work, by the way. She said I was going to live forever so I could take care of her – clearly she intends to make me do it too.
I was not allowed to travel on my own because her and her parents were so afraid of someone taking advantage of me, cheating me or kidnapping me. Fellas I can handle myself, quite willingly I might add. But she treats me like I am someone to be protected and cared for, not used. I’d ask her how I could retire here if I could not do things on my own. She responded with she would always be right beside me and she meant it. She did all the things necessary to complete our tasks together, and then she’d ride me home in a taxi, and return home to finish her chores, which included washing my clothes. Yes, she ironed my underwear!!! She didn’t hesitate to do any of her own responsibilities or to provide me with the smallest of considerations. If I dropped some crumbs on me while eating she was brushing them off, if I was sweated she was patting me with a handkerchief or fanning me, she must have fixed me a thousand drinks responding immediately (if not sooner) to every request. Everyone at her home did my bidding or you could see the sternness come out in her face as she gave them the “eye” and “told” them to do it. No one dared disobey her – including me! (Smile)
I have only heard one woman say “gwapo” since I came here and that was to Marissa. I really didn’t really care if all the women said things like that about me or maybe I would have listened and noticed that they were saying those things. I came for Marissa, not to see all the thousands of beautiful Filipinas everywhere. But Marissa said lots of women told her I was handsome, several where I overheard it. I didn’t need the ego boost but I was so happy to see it made Marissa happy. She was clearly very proud that other Filipinas thought me handsome.
Marissa is late. She is always late. The song “I Loved You Before I Met You” by Savage Garden is our song. I told Marissa that we were in Heaven together and it was time to come here to Earth to accomplish the things we asked of Heavenly Father. I said to Marissa “Let’s go” and she said” I’ll be right there! Go on ahead of me”. Obviously, she got here 20 years late. I think as each day passed she gets later and later but I don’t complain because she was taking me home then having to respond to her parents questions of what we had done that day. We had not had a chaperone since Joyal had talked to her parents. I don’t know, maybe it’s the traffic or the difference in attitudes here but nothing moves fast – especially Marissa. At one point she and I waited 2 hours for a taxi at the Mall and many times for an hour or more.
Monday, December 22, 2014
A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 2 (The Trip)
The
following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the
archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including
spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters
he had written. Thank you
Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
I made up my mind to go very quickly. Well actually when I found out that I succeeded in my legal endeavors I wanted to leave as soon as I could get it all arranged. I work for a new company since Marissa and I met. I had been offered a very large raise over the previous company but I turned it down because I wanted to marry Marissa – gave up on the legal battles why not a few hundred more in salary. If I took the job I would not be able to hold Marissa for 18 months or longer. The company came back with a sweetened offer and threw in 2 weeks vacation this year! I accepted. As soon as they accepted I told them when I wanted the vacation and scheduled it.
Have you ever noticed that when things go right they all go right, and when things go wrong they all go wrong. Well all I can say is that nothing better think about going wrong with me right now – it doesn’t stand a chance! I bet all you guys are hoping I don’t purchase a lottery ticket in your state because if I did I would win. I mean nothing would dare going wrong right now. I have the most wonderful woman to love, a 25% increase in salary, 2 weeks vacation after only 5 months of work. More. Okay. My best friend paid for the trip to Davao as a wedding gift. Enough? No? 1st class all the way! Think I’m through? Problems just melt with Marissa – whoosh – gone – not even a wet puddle left.
Several debts owed to me went bad with me depending on the payment for the trip. Offers from everywhere to help! I even was begged to return to an old job site to see if I could restore lost programming and operationally of the equipment. I am no longer the definition of “Murphy’s Law” but rather the teasing titillating challenge that nothing had better even try to go wrong because I would overcome and squash it unmercifully, effortlessly. I even managed to assist two families in my church with some serious financial help and not notice the financial effort. Heavenly Father isn’t going to let anything happen to this effort to meet and marry the girl he confirmed in my heart.
Wow! Wow! Wow! The times are a changing!
I purchased my tickets from Ron Perry at Virgin Beach Resort on Cebu Island. Since I had ordered my tickets late there were none. I was flying at the Christmas Holiday time and tickets had been all sold out for several weeks. Not a problem for the “non-Murphy’s Law” Art. Ron found the tickets I needed and got them scheduled. I do recommend that you try to purchase all your tickets through your fiancée thought because they get better price breaks. I both called and tried to purchase additional tickets through PAL and Ron but found that Marissa could get the same tickets for 1/3rd the price.
I called Marissa and insisted she met me in Manila because I would be there for 2 days alone. It required that I purchase two tickets for her and her chaperone, hotel rooms, meals, etc, and of course that her family allows her to come. Turned out that there were to be college finals on that day that she believed that she could get early test for her courses. Later it turned out that the tests were to be the day after I arrived in Davao. All done and planned.
The days leading up to the event were excruciating. Every worry a man could have came up. I feared the worst possible scenario at every turn – I had been the definition of Murphy’s Law for so long I forgot how to act when Heavenly Father was blessing me. I finally had to come to terms with these blessings. The joy was beyond comparison and nothing seemed more important than our love and the events leading to our meeting and hopefully marriage.
The day of the trip came. I got my daughter to give me a ride to the airport. Good thing I checked the flight times because not was the flight to leave early it was at Hobby Airport not Bush Airport. I told my daughter how happy I was. She agreed and then told me about two dates she had coming up. She was starting to accept the relationship. She wished me a good trip and kissed me on the cheek.
The airport was exciting for a change. Everything seemed heightened in detail. I noticed so many people looking at me. I was sure it was just casual glances but still they looked. I must have had a smile on my face that made people notice me. I also found out through a conversation with the ticket taker that there were several others on the trip from Houston to Los Angeles to Manila. I noticed one very large Asian family, at least 23-24 members, all-flying together. The flight to Los Angeles was a nightmare. A man flying with his two young children sat behind me. The oldest boy kicked my seat all the way. At times he just decided to scream at the top of his lungs. 3.5 Hours of misery in a cramped seat. Upon arrival in Los Angeles I had a 4-hour lay over. I checked in to the Philippines Air Lines and went to the Mabuhay Lounge and talked with several Americans and Filipinas going to the Phils. One guy named Chris was going to meet his fiancé, a Filipina of 36 years of age. He met her through a neighbor and finally decided to travel to meet her. There was one young couple in the lounge and later directly in front of me on the plane. The Filipina clearly worshiped her husband and saw to it that every need he had was met. He asked for nothing and got everything.
I sat beside Dom, a Filipino that immigrated to Los Angeles and taught ESL (English as a Second Language) at a local High School. He had not been home in 35 years and was clearly as excited as I was to being going there for the marriage of a niece. His wife and children had gone a few days before him. His 23-year-old son had been complaining he was bored – I said to him I didn’t know how it was possible in a country of so many beautiful women that he could be so “bored”. He agreed! We talked quite a few times about things I should say and do, things to expect when I got here. The flight was very long but I took some sleep aids and actually slept about 9 hours of the flight.
PAL Flight PR103 arrived at 5:05 AM, which was 1 hour early. I hated it. I knew that Marissa would not be there at that time. Dom assured me that she would be there but I was right – she wasn’t. Again the worries started. I stared out the window as I waited for my luggage to see if she arrived. It was odd somehow I was one of the 1st off the plane and when luggage started coming through mine was first but I was one of the very last to leave? I walked the line of peoples waiting several times while Dom watched my luggage. Soon Dom’s family arrived, I said goodbye to him and bye to Chris and I still waited. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw this vibrant red blouse attached to this gorgeous smiling Filipina that was running towards me. Bear! She yelled! Everyone was watching us of course but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I guess somehow I noticed that she had her two cousins with her, Joyal and Doung, as I was lead to a cab. I began to wonder where the Palma’s were? They were supposed to meet me as well but I was told that they called and said they had a flat tire. Honey’s cousin told me that they wanted to stay at a hotel by the Glorietta Mall instead of way out where the Palma’s lived. I agreed.
Finally we were on our way to the hotel and I looked at Marissa and she smiled. I leaned down and told her how happy I was and that she was much more beautiful that I had expected and I had expected a lot. She blushed. I was in love again. She’s done that to me so many times – making me fall in love with her over and over and over. I even wrote that in a letter to her parents a couple of months ago. “I fell in love with your daughter – well actually, I fell in love with her several times”, I said. She told me that they really smiled when they read that. Now she was smiling at me and that warmth of love poured over me and I was falling in love all over again. I cannot count the times I have fallin’ in love in the last 5 days (at the time of this writing).
Manila was not what I expected. It was humongous but there were 30 buildings that were not completed. 40-50 Story towers that were shells only. Art Palma told me that it was from the financial crisis of 1997. All construction projects were foreclosed on then. There were lots of people literally living in the streets. I had not expected that. At the same time though as we went to SM (Shoe Mart – like Wal-Mart) the store was packed to the walls with customers. So was Glorietta Mall. The air smelled of burnt paper but no one else seemed to notice it but me. A lot of people walked around holding handkerchiefs over their mouths. Nearly everyone wore blue jeans or some color of jean. A few wore nicer clothes – clearly a sign of status. I attempted to purchase a nice pants suit at one point for Marissa but she said that she would have no place to wear it.
Joyal was supposed to be our chaperone. She was the best chaperone I ever had. Only time I saw her was when I wanted to. She helped us get around Manila when we had someplace to go then disappeared again. Marissa and I had plenty of time to get to know each other without the concern of PDA’s being observed.
We all slept in one hotel room. I was actually very embarrassed about the situation at first but was able to separate the beds with a partition. I had the laptop I bought for Marissa with me with over 600 songs I downloaded from Napster on it. I turned on WinAmp and we listened to Christmas music and love songs all night.
It seems that I would never get to sleep though. Everything was early. The time to be at the Embassy was 7:30 Am so we had to get up early. The plane left for Davao at 5:10 AM so we had to awake early. I didn’t get a good night sleep until Tuesday night. Marissa had to go to college for finals so I slept in. I really needed the rest but like the song “I don’t want to miss a thing”.
Meeting her parents and family was a breeze. Everyone stayed home from school to meet me and her Dad didn’t have a job for the day. I brought presents for the whole family. I gave her father a good craftsman pocket tool, her mother some biscuits (chocolate variety), each of the brothers a University of Texas Longhorns sleeveless t-shirt and one for her sister as well, but with sleeves. The youngest two boys got stickers and “bears”. I brought 6 sacks of candy (they ate all of it and didn’t give me any!). I gave Marissa a planner.
Asking her father to marry her didn’t happen. I think? We did start talking about it and I intended to and tried too but instead we found ourselves at the city offices, applying for the licenses necessary and her father coming along to sign. I had planned on saying something cute and remember-able but I was robbed!!! I did kneel before Marissa and tell her that I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me because she belonged to me I was just going to marry her and make her as happy as Heavenly Father would allow me too. I told her that I would never hurt her intentionally, yell at her or hit her and that if she did something that required I react would tickle her. I only wanted to love her and make her happy. I got a wonderful hug and “I love you”.
For those of you who know about crab mentality it is alive and well in the Phils. For those of you who do not know I will explain. If you put one crab in a bucket it will get out. By clawing and struggling till it succeeds. But if you put two crabs in one bucket the other will always prevent the other from climbing out of the bucket by pulling them back in. Marissa’s college is like the crabs. Marissa was on a full scholarship in Accountancy. But the scholarship contract said that if she married she would have to reimburse the school for the costs. Ok. I can understand that part. But the thing that I do not understand is that why did they make her work 14 -16 hours a day, 7 days a week and not pay her for it and think that she owed them for anything? We received a bill for P12051.23 tuition costs. I was very angry but I tried not to show it. I didn’t bring a lot of money because of the many things occurring back home and to have to take so much out for a slavery school ticked me off. I told Marissa to tell them that they would receive a bill for her labor and that I would not assist her brothers and sister in going to school if they went to that college. I also told her that she would need to transfer to the other college here in Davao. I know that her cum laude degree meant a lot to her but I didn’t see rewarding the crab mentality and I get very defensive when someone does something that hurts her. This school had allowed other co-workers to take unfair advantage of her, teachers to be unkind and intolerant when she complained about the unfair treatment and forced her to work excessively long hours that did not allow her to go to church on Sundays. I will not support that.
I think getting the papers for the marriage license is a joke. I think it just provides people with a bureaucracy of jobs and needless interference in people’s lives. Marissa and I will have to take “Family planning” courses before anyone will allow the ten-day waiting period to begin. I thought the questions they asked were rude and intrusive. This means missing more school at final time that means more make ups which means more time we cannot be together. GGGGRRRRRrrrrrrrrr!
Parties. Yes it is Christmas time. And there are parties. We have one all night party to go to on Friday with Marissa’s college friends and one of the teachers from the school invited us to one Thursday night plus tonight I have one at Marissa’s house to meet more of her family.
I made up my mind to go very quickly. Well actually when I found out that I succeeded in my legal endeavors I wanted to leave as soon as I could get it all arranged. I work for a new company since Marissa and I met. I had been offered a very large raise over the previous company but I turned it down because I wanted to marry Marissa – gave up on the legal battles why not a few hundred more in salary. If I took the job I would not be able to hold Marissa for 18 months or longer. The company came back with a sweetened offer and threw in 2 weeks vacation this year! I accepted. As soon as they accepted I told them when I wanted the vacation and scheduled it.
Have you ever noticed that when things go right they all go right, and when things go wrong they all go wrong. Well all I can say is that nothing better think about going wrong with me right now – it doesn’t stand a chance! I bet all you guys are hoping I don’t purchase a lottery ticket in your state because if I did I would win. I mean nothing would dare going wrong right now. I have the most wonderful woman to love, a 25% increase in salary, 2 weeks vacation after only 5 months of work. More. Okay. My best friend paid for the trip to Davao as a wedding gift. Enough? No? 1st class all the way! Think I’m through? Problems just melt with Marissa – whoosh – gone – not even a wet puddle left.
Several debts owed to me went bad with me depending on the payment for the trip. Offers from everywhere to help! I even was begged to return to an old job site to see if I could restore lost programming and operationally of the equipment. I am no longer the definition of “Murphy’s Law” but rather the teasing titillating challenge that nothing had better even try to go wrong because I would overcome and squash it unmercifully, effortlessly. I even managed to assist two families in my church with some serious financial help and not notice the financial effort. Heavenly Father isn’t going to let anything happen to this effort to meet and marry the girl he confirmed in my heart.
Wow! Wow! Wow! The times are a changing!
I purchased my tickets from Ron Perry at Virgin Beach Resort on Cebu Island. Since I had ordered my tickets late there were none. I was flying at the Christmas Holiday time and tickets had been all sold out for several weeks. Not a problem for the “non-Murphy’s Law” Art. Ron found the tickets I needed and got them scheduled. I do recommend that you try to purchase all your tickets through your fiancée thought because they get better price breaks. I both called and tried to purchase additional tickets through PAL and Ron but found that Marissa could get the same tickets for 1/3rd the price.
I called Marissa and insisted she met me in Manila because I would be there for 2 days alone. It required that I purchase two tickets for her and her chaperone, hotel rooms, meals, etc, and of course that her family allows her to come. Turned out that there were to be college finals on that day that she believed that she could get early test for her courses. Later it turned out that the tests were to be the day after I arrived in Davao. All done and planned.
The days leading up to the event were excruciating. Every worry a man could have came up. I feared the worst possible scenario at every turn – I had been the definition of Murphy’s Law for so long I forgot how to act when Heavenly Father was blessing me. I finally had to come to terms with these blessings. The joy was beyond comparison and nothing seemed more important than our love and the events leading to our meeting and hopefully marriage.
The day of the trip came. I got my daughter to give me a ride to the airport. Good thing I checked the flight times because not was the flight to leave early it was at Hobby Airport not Bush Airport. I told my daughter how happy I was. She agreed and then told me about two dates she had coming up. She was starting to accept the relationship. She wished me a good trip and kissed me on the cheek.
The airport was exciting for a change. Everything seemed heightened in detail. I noticed so many people looking at me. I was sure it was just casual glances but still they looked. I must have had a smile on my face that made people notice me. I also found out through a conversation with the ticket taker that there were several others on the trip from Houston to Los Angeles to Manila. I noticed one very large Asian family, at least 23-24 members, all-flying together. The flight to Los Angeles was a nightmare. A man flying with his two young children sat behind me. The oldest boy kicked my seat all the way. At times he just decided to scream at the top of his lungs. 3.5 Hours of misery in a cramped seat. Upon arrival in Los Angeles I had a 4-hour lay over. I checked in to the Philippines Air Lines and went to the Mabuhay Lounge and talked with several Americans and Filipinas going to the Phils. One guy named Chris was going to meet his fiancé, a Filipina of 36 years of age. He met her through a neighbor and finally decided to travel to meet her. There was one young couple in the lounge and later directly in front of me on the plane. The Filipina clearly worshiped her husband and saw to it that every need he had was met. He asked for nothing and got everything.
I sat beside Dom, a Filipino that immigrated to Los Angeles and taught ESL (English as a Second Language) at a local High School. He had not been home in 35 years and was clearly as excited as I was to being going there for the marriage of a niece. His wife and children had gone a few days before him. His 23-year-old son had been complaining he was bored – I said to him I didn’t know how it was possible in a country of so many beautiful women that he could be so “bored”. He agreed! We talked quite a few times about things I should say and do, things to expect when I got here. The flight was very long but I took some sleep aids and actually slept about 9 hours of the flight.
PAL Flight PR103 arrived at 5:05 AM, which was 1 hour early. I hated it. I knew that Marissa would not be there at that time. Dom assured me that she would be there but I was right – she wasn’t. Again the worries started. I stared out the window as I waited for my luggage to see if she arrived. It was odd somehow I was one of the 1st off the plane and when luggage started coming through mine was first but I was one of the very last to leave? I walked the line of peoples waiting several times while Dom watched my luggage. Soon Dom’s family arrived, I said goodbye to him and bye to Chris and I still waited. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw this vibrant red blouse attached to this gorgeous smiling Filipina that was running towards me. Bear! She yelled! Everyone was watching us of course but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I guess somehow I noticed that she had her two cousins with her, Joyal and Doung, as I was lead to a cab. I began to wonder where the Palma’s were? They were supposed to meet me as well but I was told that they called and said they had a flat tire. Honey’s cousin told me that they wanted to stay at a hotel by the Glorietta Mall instead of way out where the Palma’s lived. I agreed.
Finally we were on our way to the hotel and I looked at Marissa and she smiled. I leaned down and told her how happy I was and that she was much more beautiful that I had expected and I had expected a lot. She blushed. I was in love again. She’s done that to me so many times – making me fall in love with her over and over and over. I even wrote that in a letter to her parents a couple of months ago. “I fell in love with your daughter – well actually, I fell in love with her several times”, I said. She told me that they really smiled when they read that. Now she was smiling at me and that warmth of love poured over me and I was falling in love all over again. I cannot count the times I have fallin’ in love in the last 5 days (at the time of this writing).
Manila was not what I expected. It was humongous but there were 30 buildings that were not completed. 40-50 Story towers that were shells only. Art Palma told me that it was from the financial crisis of 1997. All construction projects were foreclosed on then. There were lots of people literally living in the streets. I had not expected that. At the same time though as we went to SM (Shoe Mart – like Wal-Mart) the store was packed to the walls with customers. So was Glorietta Mall. The air smelled of burnt paper but no one else seemed to notice it but me. A lot of people walked around holding handkerchiefs over their mouths. Nearly everyone wore blue jeans or some color of jean. A few wore nicer clothes – clearly a sign of status. I attempted to purchase a nice pants suit at one point for Marissa but she said that she would have no place to wear it.
Joyal was supposed to be our chaperone. She was the best chaperone I ever had. Only time I saw her was when I wanted to. She helped us get around Manila when we had someplace to go then disappeared again. Marissa and I had plenty of time to get to know each other without the concern of PDA’s being observed.
We all slept in one hotel room. I was actually very embarrassed about the situation at first but was able to separate the beds with a partition. I had the laptop I bought for Marissa with me with over 600 songs I downloaded from Napster on it. I turned on WinAmp and we listened to Christmas music and love songs all night.
It seems that I would never get to sleep though. Everything was early. The time to be at the Embassy was 7:30 Am so we had to get up early. The plane left for Davao at 5:10 AM so we had to awake early. I didn’t get a good night sleep until Tuesday night. Marissa had to go to college for finals so I slept in. I really needed the rest but like the song “I don’t want to miss a thing”.
Meeting her parents and family was a breeze. Everyone stayed home from school to meet me and her Dad didn’t have a job for the day. I brought presents for the whole family. I gave her father a good craftsman pocket tool, her mother some biscuits (chocolate variety), each of the brothers a University of Texas Longhorns sleeveless t-shirt and one for her sister as well, but with sleeves. The youngest two boys got stickers and “bears”. I brought 6 sacks of candy (they ate all of it and didn’t give me any!). I gave Marissa a planner.
Asking her father to marry her didn’t happen. I think? We did start talking about it and I intended to and tried too but instead we found ourselves at the city offices, applying for the licenses necessary and her father coming along to sign. I had planned on saying something cute and remember-able but I was robbed!!! I did kneel before Marissa and tell her that I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me because she belonged to me I was just going to marry her and make her as happy as Heavenly Father would allow me too. I told her that I would never hurt her intentionally, yell at her or hit her and that if she did something that required I react would tickle her. I only wanted to love her and make her happy. I got a wonderful hug and “I love you”.
For those of you who know about crab mentality it is alive and well in the Phils. For those of you who do not know I will explain. If you put one crab in a bucket it will get out. By clawing and struggling till it succeeds. But if you put two crabs in one bucket the other will always prevent the other from climbing out of the bucket by pulling them back in. Marissa’s college is like the crabs. Marissa was on a full scholarship in Accountancy. But the scholarship contract said that if she married she would have to reimburse the school for the costs. Ok. I can understand that part. But the thing that I do not understand is that why did they make her work 14 -16 hours a day, 7 days a week and not pay her for it and think that she owed them for anything? We received a bill for P12051.23 tuition costs. I was very angry but I tried not to show it. I didn’t bring a lot of money because of the many things occurring back home and to have to take so much out for a slavery school ticked me off. I told Marissa to tell them that they would receive a bill for her labor and that I would not assist her brothers and sister in going to school if they went to that college. I also told her that she would need to transfer to the other college here in Davao. I know that her cum laude degree meant a lot to her but I didn’t see rewarding the crab mentality and I get very defensive when someone does something that hurts her. This school had allowed other co-workers to take unfair advantage of her, teachers to be unkind and intolerant when she complained about the unfair treatment and forced her to work excessively long hours that did not allow her to go to church on Sundays. I will not support that.
I think getting the papers for the marriage license is a joke. I think it just provides people with a bureaucracy of jobs and needless interference in people’s lives. Marissa and I will have to take “Family planning” courses before anyone will allow the ten-day waiting period to begin. I thought the questions they asked were rude and intrusive. This means missing more school at final time that means more make ups which means more time we cannot be together. GGGGRRRRRrrrrrrrrr!
Parties. Yes it is Christmas time. And there are parties. We have one all night party to go to on Friday with Marissa’s college friends and one of the teachers from the school invited us to one Thursday night plus tonight I have one at Marissa’s house to meet more of her family.
A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 1 Part 2
The
following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the
archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including
spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters
he had written. I am so grateful I remembered this. Thank you
Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
I’d say! I met the love of my life on a Filipino chat channel called # Davao of the Dalnet group. I posted a handle of 'A_lonely_male' and was getting literally hundreds of requests for chat. I had been writing girls for weeks having met quite a few that I was interested in. I kept a few pictures on my computer and when they’d ask to chat I’d ask for a picture and send them mine. Then to prove I was a serious person and not playing around I’d immediately sent them a letter using mail forwarding through “BMPLimited“. When I met Marissa, I was writing 14 Filipinas including three I was very interested in. Matter of fact, I was posting on Planet-Love that I thought I had found the right one when I met Marissa. That one turned out to be a suicidal nut case. Then Marissa chatted in. I was intrigued because of her mastery of the English language. She understood me, including “contractions” without repeated explanations. She was very easy to talk with and we had many things to say. But kicker was that she was 19. I was scared to death. 19!!!! Wouldn’t they put me in jail for that? When I told her she was too young. She pretty much told me that she was mature enough to make decisions on her own and found no problem with my age (45). I think one of the happiest days of my life was when she turned 20 a few weeks later – I mean wow - 19!!!
Marissa's picture was incredible. She looked intelligent, pretty and the picture had a characteristic I found fascinating, she looked “sneaky”. Her picture looked like she had just played a joke on someone and she was smiling about it. Just plain “gorgeous”. If any of you have ever read the book “Personality Plus” she looked like she was a “sanguine”, the supposed mate to my “melancholy” characteristics.
She sent me a few pictures with the return of “mail-forwarding” and I saw her hair. Wow again!! Elbow length, long black hair!!! I had always dreamed of my lady love having long beautiful hair. Like in the country song where she only let her hair down for her man behind closed doors. She had a look that angels must be jealous of.
I remember thinking that if she were the right girl for me then a simple prayer would confirm it. Wow did it ever. So I asked her if she would be my girlfriend. She did as I did, prayed, and got a strong answer as well. By-the way fellas neither of us knew the other was praying about these choices for some months afterwards. Some weeks later when we were having all the problems both of us prayed about the relationship again. I had told Heavenly Father that I would marry the “next girl that sang a song to me” and she had prayed asked that if I was the right one I call her right then (a time when I am never able to call because it is during the sacrament portion of the church session on Sundays). Within minutes of those two prayers we each knew the other was our mate. If you are not religious, getting answers to prayers like that will make you become religious!!
One of the things I had always dreamed of doing was going to church, reading scriptures and praying with my family. To help us be stronger and to exhibit love to each other by sharing our most confidential feelings on “our prayers to our Heavenly Father”. My “ex” found it too embarrassing but Marissa was thrilled that I asked her to pray with me. I also asked her to “fast” (go a day without food and pray a lot in that day) with me. Honestly it seemed like nothing we attempted failed after that.
My big concerns in finding a new mate were the problems I found in the society of America. The willingness of the American people to accept the propaganda that is destroying the families here, reducing men too little more than someone who brings home money. Schools claim complete control over your kids, and I don’t just mean their education, from the moment you enroll them. The soaps, talk shows and growing immorality in the media teach us, and our families, to be self-gratifying, image seeking and selfish to a point of cruelty. For those of you who disagree with me I want to give you something – a recipe to make “brownies”….
Brownies with a Difference
After the tragedy of non-parenting evidenced in Littleton, many Parents are working hard to explain to their children and teens why some video games, music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home, for their youth to see or hear.
One parent came up with an original idea that was hard to refute. He listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex. They never really showed it. The language was pretty good. They only used the Lord's name in vain three times in the whole movie. The video effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. Yes, there was the scene where a building and a bunch of people got blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't very bad.
Even with all these explanations for the rating, the father wouldn't give in.
He didn't even give them a satisfying explanation for saying, "No."
He just said, "No."
It was a little bit later that evening that this same father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had prepared. He explained that he had taken the families favorite recipe and added something new.
They asked what it was. He calmly replied that he had added a special ingredient -- dog poop.
He stated that it was only a little bit. All the ingredients were gourmet quality. He had taken great care to bake it at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb. Even with all the explanations of the perfect attributes of the brownies, the teens would not take one.
The father acted surprised. There was only one little element that would have caused them to act so stubbornly. He assured them that they would hardly notice it if at all. They all held firm and would not try the brownies.
He then explained that the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Sin enters our minds and our homes by deceiving us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. With the brownies, just a little bit makes all the difference between a great brownie and a totally unacceptable product.
He explained that even though the movie people would have us believe. The movies, which are coming out are acceptable for adults and youths to see, they are not. Now when this father's youth want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special brownies . . . and they never ask about that activity again.
Sure is food for thought!
…I wanted someone who wouldn’t fall for it again like my “first mistake” had. Marissa said she wanted me to live there in Davao which was to me a good sign and that she didn’t watch TV, another good sign – especially in a country where it seems like watching the TV is the biggest past time for those who have TV’s. I asked her about homeschooling and she was very happy with the idea as long as I did the American history (smile).
Marissa is a cum laude candidate in accounting at her college and a past winner of a drama contest – yep, both math and English! She is talented and capable and in my opinion someone who has the ability to make a big mark on the world. But all she wants is to be a mother and a wife. As all Filipinas, she has great courage to me because she is willing to give up her home, her family and her way of life to come to a place that is so different. To be with someone she really only knows from chatting, e-mail, letters and phone calls and a few days of visits.
Marissa is pure as the driven snow having never known even a kiss by a man on the lips and knowing only what sex was taught to her in the Catholic schools. Her attitude about these things is that her husband will teach her and that she knows of no reason why she would refuse any of his requests. I dare anyone to find a 12 year old who hasn’t been kissed or a 16 year old who hasn’t had sex here in America. They might be out there but the “needle in the haystack” would be easier to find. I also dare someone to find such a girl and not think Heavenly Father didn’t send you an Angel – once married you are in Heaven.
Okay. She’s religious, intelligent, and moral with strong family values, but “wow” she is Gorgeous too. Long beautiful, elbow length, black hair, brown “sneaky” eyes, a perfect “knowing” smile, and a proud stance at 5’0”, weighing in a 101 pounds, willing to surrender to the right man but look out if its not her choice. I won’t give you her vitals but believe me; they are nothing to be ashamed of. I cannot find a single thing about her that is lacking. Even her “sanguine” characteristics so perfectly match my “melancholy” characteristics that I often tease her that together we are unbeatable. From 9000 miles away she makes me eat right, reminds me to smile all day, stops me from becoming the “bear” that got me my nickname, watches how I spend “our” money. She will not accept money from me unless it is for our communication or papers she will need for us to be married. Marissa is always there for me when I need someone to talk with. The best gift I ever have ever received in my whole life was when she called me on my birthday and sang me a song. Soon after that when we received the answer to our prayers that we were meant for each other she sang me two to three songs every week.
Honey and I talk 3-7 hours a day. Yes 3 to 7 hours a day. I put in a second phone line and set my PC up to be on 24 hours a day so that in the morning when she logs on a .wav file says “Marissa’s online!!”. I am up in an instant no matter what time she logs on. We chat for about an hour and a half while I get ready for work. It is so funny. She will tell me “You may not talk” while I’m eating and she will chat away and I’ll eat and read her chat. I call her when I get home and wake her for her day. She then goes up to the college where she chats with me 3 to 5 hours depending on her classes and job responsibilities. She is a teaching assistant in the computer labs so she has unlimited access to the computers and chats. Several times we chatted all night for her and for me. I truly believe that this “long distance relationship” has given us a chance to learn about each other in a way that no “next door” girl relationship would have. We try to tell each other something new about ourselves every week.
I am sorry to all you guys who have girls in Davao if I have made your courting harder because I love making Marissa “popular”. You do not have to send money. I think the phone was the biggest thing as a status symbol to many girls but if you want to show a Filipina you love her, sing her a song. If you want to make her the envy of her friends, sing her a song when she is at one of those infamous “all girl” parties. I also sent her “teddy bears”, maps, pictures, and info about Houston and Texas, and MTV videos. The week I sent her the first MTV videos on CD there was a holiday at her college. Still the computer lab was packed from people coming to see if she would allow them to watch her MTV videos. They tell her how lucky she is to have someone call her and wake her in the mornings and sing to her and send her all these things. No, I am the lucky one. But that’s not all. I didn’t forget that she has parents. I also wrote them and had my mother write them so that they knew I loved Marissa and that I was serious and they knew my intentions.
We had a lot of strange discussions, the topics I won’t go over but they definitely confirmed many of the “stereotyping” that many Filipinas get. I know that she believes that men there just want a woman who’ll work and support them. The attitude of the men is that they are superior and that the women need to be submissive and obedient. I guess I can understand why so many Filipina women look for men outside of their country. I worked very hard to instill in her that this was not the kind of relationship I wanted. Ours had to be built on a concept of helping and supporting each other, being responsible and letting nothing displace the importance of the other in our lives. I wanted to be her lover, closest friend and strongest supporter not someone who would correct her for her mistakes in life, but be someone to help her not make mistakes and be there with a shoulder to cry on when she did. Someone she could always depend on to laugh with her, not at her, and know that any need of hers would take first place in my life. Marissa did ask a lot though. She had brothers and a sister that she wanted to help educate and she wanted to help her parents in their retirement have a home and place to stay. Any man she married would have to agree either help with those things or not prevent her from helping her family. When she told me of her desires it really scared me. A lot of the guys on Planet-Love said drop her because she was out to use me. Later I found it was her hopes, not requirements. Who wouldn’t want to help their family if they could?
She was perfect in every way.
I’d say! I met the love of my life on a Filipino chat channel called # Davao of the Dalnet group. I posted a handle of 'A_lonely_male' and was getting literally hundreds of requests for chat. I had been writing girls for weeks having met quite a few that I was interested in. I kept a few pictures on my computer and when they’d ask to chat I’d ask for a picture and send them mine. Then to prove I was a serious person and not playing around I’d immediately sent them a letter using mail forwarding through “BMPLimited“. When I met Marissa, I was writing 14 Filipinas including three I was very interested in. Matter of fact, I was posting on Planet-Love that I thought I had found the right one when I met Marissa. That one turned out to be a suicidal nut case. Then Marissa chatted in. I was intrigued because of her mastery of the English language. She understood me, including “contractions” without repeated explanations. She was very easy to talk with and we had many things to say. But kicker was that she was 19. I was scared to death. 19!!!! Wouldn’t they put me in jail for that? When I told her she was too young. She pretty much told me that she was mature enough to make decisions on her own and found no problem with my age (45). I think one of the happiest days of my life was when she turned 20 a few weeks later – I mean wow - 19!!!
Marissa's picture was incredible. She looked intelligent, pretty and the picture had a characteristic I found fascinating, she looked “sneaky”. Her picture looked like she had just played a joke on someone and she was smiling about it. Just plain “gorgeous”. If any of you have ever read the book “Personality Plus” she looked like she was a “sanguine”, the supposed mate to my “melancholy” characteristics.
She sent me a few pictures with the return of “mail-forwarding” and I saw her hair. Wow again!! Elbow length, long black hair!!! I had always dreamed of my lady love having long beautiful hair. Like in the country song where she only let her hair down for her man behind closed doors. She had a look that angels must be jealous of. I remember thinking that if she were the right girl for me then a simple prayer would confirm it. Wow did it ever. So I asked her if she would be my girlfriend. She did as I did, prayed, and got a strong answer as well. By-the way fellas neither of us knew the other was praying about these choices for some months afterwards. Some weeks later when we were having all the problems both of us prayed about the relationship again. I had told Heavenly Father that I would marry the “next girl that sang a song to me” and she had prayed asked that if I was the right one I call her right then (a time when I am never able to call because it is during the sacrament portion of the church session on Sundays). Within minutes of those two prayers we each knew the other was our mate. If you are not religious, getting answers to prayers like that will make you become religious!!
One of the things I had always dreamed of doing was going to church, reading scriptures and praying with my family. To help us be stronger and to exhibit love to each other by sharing our most confidential feelings on “our prayers to our Heavenly Father”. My “ex” found it too embarrassing but Marissa was thrilled that I asked her to pray with me. I also asked her to “fast” (go a day without food and pray a lot in that day) with me. Honestly it seemed like nothing we attempted failed after that.
My big concerns in finding a new mate were the problems I found in the society of America. The willingness of the American people to accept the propaganda that is destroying the families here, reducing men too little more than someone who brings home money. Schools claim complete control over your kids, and I don’t just mean their education, from the moment you enroll them. The soaps, talk shows and growing immorality in the media teach us, and our families, to be self-gratifying, image seeking and selfish to a point of cruelty. For those of you who disagree with me I want to give you something – a recipe to make “brownies”….
Brownies with a Difference
After the tragedy of non-parenting evidenced in Littleton, many Parents are working hard to explain to their children and teens why some video games, music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home, for their youth to see or hear.
One parent came up with an original idea that was hard to refute. He listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex. They never really showed it. The language was pretty good. They only used the Lord's name in vain three times in the whole movie. The video effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. Yes, there was the scene where a building and a bunch of people got blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't very bad.
Even with all these explanations for the rating, the father wouldn't give in.
He didn't even give them a satisfying explanation for saying, "No."
He just said, "No."
It was a little bit later that evening that this same father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had prepared. He explained that he had taken the families favorite recipe and added something new.
They asked what it was. He calmly replied that he had added a special ingredient -- dog poop.
He stated that it was only a little bit. All the ingredients were gourmet quality. He had taken great care to bake it at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb. Even with all the explanations of the perfect attributes of the brownies, the teens would not take one.
The father acted surprised. There was only one little element that would have caused them to act so stubbornly. He assured them that they would hardly notice it if at all. They all held firm and would not try the brownies.
He then explained that the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Sin enters our minds and our homes by deceiving us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. With the brownies, just a little bit makes all the difference between a great brownie and a totally unacceptable product.
He explained that even though the movie people would have us believe. The movies, which are coming out are acceptable for adults and youths to see, they are not. Now when this father's youth want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special brownies . . . and they never ask about that activity again.
Sure is food for thought!
…I wanted someone who wouldn’t fall for it again like my “first mistake” had. Marissa said she wanted me to live there in Davao which was to me a good sign and that she didn’t watch TV, another good sign – especially in a country where it seems like watching the TV is the biggest past time for those who have TV’s. I asked her about homeschooling and she was very happy with the idea as long as I did the American history (smile).
Marissa is a cum laude candidate in accounting at her college and a past winner of a drama contest – yep, both math and English! She is talented and capable and in my opinion someone who has the ability to make a big mark on the world. But all she wants is to be a mother and a wife. As all Filipinas, she has great courage to me because she is willing to give up her home, her family and her way of life to come to a place that is so different. To be with someone she really only knows from chatting, e-mail, letters and phone calls and a few days of visits.
Marissa is pure as the driven snow having never known even a kiss by a man on the lips and knowing only what sex was taught to her in the Catholic schools. Her attitude about these things is that her husband will teach her and that she knows of no reason why she would refuse any of his requests. I dare anyone to find a 12 year old who hasn’t been kissed or a 16 year old who hasn’t had sex here in America. They might be out there but the “needle in the haystack” would be easier to find. I also dare someone to find such a girl and not think Heavenly Father didn’t send you an Angel – once married you are in Heaven.
Okay. She’s religious, intelligent, and moral with strong family values, but “wow” she is Gorgeous too. Long beautiful, elbow length, black hair, brown “sneaky” eyes, a perfect “knowing” smile, and a proud stance at 5’0”, weighing in a 101 pounds, willing to surrender to the right man but look out if its not her choice. I won’t give you her vitals but believe me; they are nothing to be ashamed of. I cannot find a single thing about her that is lacking. Even her “sanguine” characteristics so perfectly match my “melancholy” characteristics that I often tease her that together we are unbeatable. From 9000 miles away she makes me eat right, reminds me to smile all day, stops me from becoming the “bear” that got me my nickname, watches how I spend “our” money. She will not accept money from me unless it is for our communication or papers she will need for us to be married. Marissa is always there for me when I need someone to talk with. The best gift I ever have ever received in my whole life was when she called me on my birthday and sang me a song. Soon after that when we received the answer to our prayers that we were meant for each other she sang me two to three songs every week.
Honey and I talk 3-7 hours a day. Yes 3 to 7 hours a day. I put in a second phone line and set my PC up to be on 24 hours a day so that in the morning when she logs on a .wav file says “Marissa’s online!!”. I am up in an instant no matter what time she logs on. We chat for about an hour and a half while I get ready for work. It is so funny. She will tell me “You may not talk” while I’m eating and she will chat away and I’ll eat and read her chat. I call her when I get home and wake her for her day. She then goes up to the college where she chats with me 3 to 5 hours depending on her classes and job responsibilities. She is a teaching assistant in the computer labs so she has unlimited access to the computers and chats. Several times we chatted all night for her and for me. I truly believe that this “long distance relationship” has given us a chance to learn about each other in a way that no “next door” girl relationship would have. We try to tell each other something new about ourselves every week.
I am sorry to all you guys who have girls in Davao if I have made your courting harder because I love making Marissa “popular”. You do not have to send money. I think the phone was the biggest thing as a status symbol to many girls but if you want to show a Filipina you love her, sing her a song. If you want to make her the envy of her friends, sing her a song when she is at one of those infamous “all girl” parties. I also sent her “teddy bears”, maps, pictures, and info about Houston and Texas, and MTV videos. The week I sent her the first MTV videos on CD there was a holiday at her college. Still the computer lab was packed from people coming to see if she would allow them to watch her MTV videos. They tell her how lucky she is to have someone call her and wake her in the mornings and sing to her and send her all these things. No, I am the lucky one. But that’s not all. I didn’t forget that she has parents. I also wrote them and had my mother write them so that they knew I loved Marissa and that I was serious and they knew my intentions.
We had a lot of strange discussions, the topics I won’t go over but they definitely confirmed many of the “stereotyping” that many Filipinas get. I know that she believes that men there just want a woman who’ll work and support them. The attitude of the men is that they are superior and that the women need to be submissive and obedient. I guess I can understand why so many Filipina women look for men outside of their country. I worked very hard to instill in her that this was not the kind of relationship I wanted. Ours had to be built on a concept of helping and supporting each other, being responsible and letting nothing displace the importance of the other in our lives. I wanted to be her lover, closest friend and strongest supporter not someone who would correct her for her mistakes in life, but be someone to help her not make mistakes and be there with a shoulder to cry on when she did. Someone she could always depend on to laugh with her, not at her, and know that any need of hers would take first place in my life. Marissa did ask a lot though. She had brothers and a sister that she wanted to help educate and she wanted to help her parents in their retirement have a home and place to stay. Any man she married would have to agree either help with those things or not prevent her from helping her family. When she told me of her desires it really scared me. A lot of the guys on Planet-Love said drop her because she was out to use me. Later I found it was her hopes, not requirements. Who wouldn’t want to help their family if they could?
She was perfect in every way.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 1 Part1
The following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters he had written. I am so grateful I remembered this. Thank you Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
Chapter 1: What happened?
I am a normal person – at least I think I am. I was raised by my mother to be a good husband, to be a good provider, considerate and loving. Never hit a woman I was told. Never be a drunk or cheat on your wife I was told. Be loyal. Go to church with her. Work hard and don’t ask for much and you’ll see that she’ll provide your needs as well as you have provided for hers.
What a crock!!!
Shortly after my heart attack when I was trying to decide what was the right course of action for me to take and guarantee health and a long life. I had heard on TV and read in the local newspaper that a study had been completed that showed the importance of hugs. The study had shown that touching was extremely important and that to be healthy one should be hugged by a loved one everyday – four times. It went on to say that the healthiest people seemed to be stay-at-home Moms with young toddlers who get many hugs every day. I remember the shock I felt because I hadn’t been hugged four times in the past year. The last time I was hugged my “ex” was trying to get me to give in on going out to eat when I was sick and very tired from a bad day at work. This made me think about how much I was loved? No one had said they loved me in quite some time, I actually couldn’t remember when I had heard it. I knew I had been saying it but I couldn’t remember anyone saying it back?
My “ex” of 24 years slept, watched soap operas, and talk shows that destroyed our marriage while I worked as many as four jobs. I could barely leave for work when our children were “toddlers” because I knew she would stay in bed and allowed he children to do whatever they pleased rather than get to get up and be a responsible parent. I put the children in day care so that I could work without fear or worry for their safety. The “ex” responded to that action by getting a maid to help clean the house (what?). She never made breakfast or any other meal for that matter – at least without my having to ask or complain. Most of the time we had to eat out. She rarely found time for me (if you know what I mean). The re-runs of Nakita on USA channel meant more to her than my needs. Matter-of-fact, I was second to everything you could think of, even the dog. I remember once, on my birthday, she refused to make me one of my favorite meals, liver and onions; because she didn’t have the ingredients and she didn’t want to go to the store (even though it was my birthday). Later she got up in the middle of the night to go to the store and get the dog some “baby food” because it was sick.
Eventually I had a heart attack from the stress all this and some pretty naïve beliefs had caused me. I lost both of my two best contract jobs when they learned of the heart attack, about $87K/year worth of income and all our medical benefits. I was devastated. I was going to lose all I had, but if she, the “ex”, would work part time for a little while I might be able to recover enough to get back in there. Her response was that in our faith “no woman should work unless her husband had two jobs” (a complete exaggeration on her part). Needless to say we lost all when I had to declare bankruptcy.
My life was one of begging and pleading. Never getting anyone to support me or help me take care of the responsibilities or burdens of having a family. Every thing I wanted I had to ask, every time I wanted it. Breakfast, sex, the house cleaned, a hug, well I guess you got the idea.
I tried marriage councilors, psychiatrists, church councilors everything I could think of. Her response was that “I needed those things”? I guess meaning she didn’t.
The two days that hurt the most were when I found out I as diabetic. I showed her what the doctors explained and how I would have to eat. I showed her the pamphlets the doctors gave me. She looked at the books for a few moments and then threw them back in my lap and said, “That’s your problem. I don’t want to eat like that!” Then she got up and made brownies. The second came when she called me from the hospital saying she was getting a “hysterectomy” and if I wanted to visit her this was her room number. When I asked about how we would have more children she said it was her body and I had no say. Even to add insult to injury she had been refusing to have sex with me for some time before the surgery knowing it would be months before she was able to again. She later admitted she did that intentionally because she was mad at me for not letting her get the hysterectomy sooner.
I tried hard to understand and to stay with her but as soon as my children graduated high school I gave her the ultimatum. I had always given in for the sake of the family unity. So she didn’t take me seriously. Several months later when I realized the ultimatum was being slowly ignored and changed back to the previous lifestyle, I left. I was called everything in the book and held up for all kinds of “benefits” in the divorce but I figured anything just to get it over.
Even after all that she still refused to sign the agreed upon divorce. It was then I showed her I was not weak, but I had been a willingly and loving giver, giving in to her out of belief that it was the right thing to do (per my mother’s teachings). When she refused to sign the agreed upon divorce after extorting from me thousands, I took all the money out of her bank account, took her name off the storage, “repossessed” the new car, (I left her the used car that needed $2k worth of work and had the higher monthly payment) and sent a letter to the IRS pointing out discrepancies on her tax return. I had several more ideas to put into action when she called about 3 AM to complain about what I had done; she signed the at 6 AM that morning calling me the cruelest person that ever lived. It was actually one of the happiest days of my life to actually be free. But I had lowered myself to her level. In many ways that hurt me more than I wanted to contemplate.
Well I guess it wouldn’t be right to blame all our problems on her. I had studied law and noticed write a few constitutional discrepancies. So, wrote all my congressmen and other involved parties including Supreme Court justices and the president. I got nowhere so I filed lawsuits - against everyone of them, the President included. When I started getting audit requests from the IRS and OSHA lockouts, I filed against them also. I fought them for 13 years never getting my day in court and never winning, but never losing either. I am not in jail so I must not have done anything illegal? I actually dropped all the suits when I became diabetic and became too tired of the pursuit.
But it wasn’t till I met Marissa that I knew how cruel the government could be. The government refused my passport request. Even though I had stopped my actions many years earlier, and they had supposedly dropped theirs, I found out that they had placed a lot of harassing things in files they kept on me. Yep, for requesting my elected officials obey the Constitution I was now considered a subversive.
Ahhh, but this time I knew I could win. It was the worst mistake they had made in our years of struggle and I had proof. I was on my way to being a millionaire and possibly some political office of my own. But it meant losing Marissa for the duration of the court fight, which I estimated at about 7 years because of another acquaintance, who had done the same thing. I didn’t think it was right to keep her hanging on for what took a friend of mine seven years to accomplish. That’s when Honey posted the “Foolish Girl” posts that I broke up with her on Planet-Love.com. Wow!!! I decided that Marissa was more important and ended the conflict by simply recording one of the officials lying to me and sending him one of the copies of the tape. He got the incorrect info taken off my record and I got my passport.
I know some of you do not understand but I waited years for that mistake and when it happened I knew I was finally there. I just hadn’t expected to have someone as wonderful as Marissa in my life. It was in creditably easy to drop it all. All she had to do was tell everyone on the Planet-Love bulletin board that she loved me and actually chewed me out on one of the post for saying I was “stupid” for doing it and sang me a song (by way of post on the board – I had told her not to e-mail me anymore and planet-love was the only way she had to contact me). Fellas I had never been loved like that in my whole life. She was the right girl for me. I do not care if we hadn’t met in person.
What a courtship too?
Different!
Saturday, December 20, 2014
loved
Today marks the 13th year of the day I first came to America. So many things went through my mind today, some made me laugh and some made me cry but above all that, I saw how much I was loved by my husband.
Soon after we got married, we talked about where we should stay to raise our family; "We can stay here in the Philippines and live like gods," he said and although it sounded promising, it wasn't what I had in mind. Don't get me wrong, I love where I'm from but I'm not proud of the way things are in the Philippines. I watched my brothers worked so hard and earn $2-3 not per hour but per day; that's not the kind of future I've envisioned for my kids. Needless to say, we decided on raising our family here in America. It took almost a year after we got married before I got here. I thought it was a long time to be apart, I didn't know I had to wait even longer to be with him for eternity.
Bear loved me and I'm sure he still does on the other side; he loved me more than anyone else in this world ever did even my own family. I mean I know my family loves me but not like Bear did. Bear would go through all kinds of trouble to protect and defend me. It was his job, he said. His main goal in life was to make me smile and he took it seriously. There was not a day that goes by without him telling me he loved me. In fact, we had this silly thing started when I said I love him and he responded with "I love you more" and being the competitive person that I am, I came back and said "I love you the most". All throughout our marriage we'd race each other to say "I love you the most" so for the longest time, the regular "I love you" was replaced with "I love you the most." Bear was just as competitive as I am so one time at church when I just first got here, he was asked to do a talk for sacrament meeting. I can't remember what the talk was about because all I remember is that he ended it with "I love you the most" referring to me of course, which meant he won that day because there was no way I could respond. That silly man but I truly love him the most too.
Bear's love for me was not all about talk, he lived it every single day of his latter years. After we were married, I had to get off of a scholarship that I had availed in college. I thought I was being nice by deciding to get off of it so others can use the help that I no longer need because as my husband, Bear already took care of all my financial needs. The college did not take it the way I had pictured. They took it as a breach of contract and therefore as punishment, asked me to pay all the tuition fees I had incurred since freshmen. I was already in my senior year at this point so you can imagine the burden but the college probably thought, "Well, she's married to an American; he's got money." Bear was not rich but he could have paid it if he wanted to, but then Bear was not about to give in on that fight. He wrote the college a letter and even threatened to get the archbishop of Galveston, who he personally knew from working at the bishop's palace for an automation job, to get involved since it was a catholic college which was also ran by the archdiocese of the local city. To make a long story short, the college took the punishment off and left me alone. Bear stood up for me. No one has ever done that for me in my entire existence on earth, no one but Bear. Families, distant relatives, neighbors, friends, colleagues, everybody and I mean everybody knew that I now have a shield, a protector and therefore no one can harm me. Bear was the type of man who would take a bullet for me. No one disrespects me where I or Bear can hear it coz they know they'll get a piece of his mind.
Bear married me knowing I was so broken but he didn't tell me he knew that until we were married years later. My self-esteem was down to the floor and even though others might say I was "gutsy," my low esteem was as clear as daylight. I remember when we first met at the airport in Manila (capital of the Philippines); my cousin who I later found out had a hidden desire for my fiance, did a lot of the talking. Bear held my hand but I just stood there because I didn't know if he was still interested in me now that he had seen me face to face. Bear seemed to have a telepathic power over me because he seemed to know what I was feeling and immediately he told me, "Honey, you are gorgeous!" I smiled and my world changed for the better. Poor cousin was not a happy camper but that'll be for another story. My low self-esteem did not get fixed on day 1 though. Bear just like most men is a fixer, he told me so. He thought he could fix me; he tried every single day. He spent every day of our married life telling me, how great I am, how beautiful I am, how awesome I am, how smart I am and everything nice. He even thought I was sexy even though I never had a perfect body but I guess every husband does that. I never took his compliments seriously. I was raised in a society where looking like their own is considered ugly. I spent 20 years of my life in that environment; how can all those years be reversed with compliments? I would usually just say, "oh I know you say those things coz I'm your wife, every husband does that to their wives." "So, you think I'd travel halfway around the world to marry an ugly and stupid girl?", he'd say. I have no answer for that. I always thought Bear was a very smart guy, his words always made sense and he didn't just talk for the sake of talking or impressing. It's one of the many reasons why I married him. I wanted to be a "smart choice" and for that to happen, I had to marry a smart man. He was my best friend, we could talk about anything and everything under the sun. We would spend hours and hours of talking until it's already 2am. Oh how I miss those talks. We didn't have secrets, he knew every dirty little secret I've had and I know his as well. Bear always knew what to say too. Every time I get depressed because so and so did or said something to hurt my feelings, he always knew what to say to make me feel better. He taught me how to fight back and stand for myself. After we got married, he told me, "McKnight means from the family of the brave, you are now a McKnight which means you are brave." I believe he told me that to build up my confidence but I didn't really care what it means, I simply love it and I was so excited to change my name and vowed to never change it ever.
A couple of years ago, Bear finally found the solution on how to "fix" me. He found Pathways through Butch, a co-worker. Pathways has helped me a lot and although I wouldn't say I'm 100% fixed since I'm a daily work in progress, Pathways did help me find out who I truly am besides being a child of God and gave me tools that help me deal with the daily struggles of life. I met so many wonderful people who love me even after knowing all the ugly things in my closet (I love you 298!). I am grateful for Pathways and the things it has done for me because without it, I wouldn't be as sturdy as I am right now. Aside from Pathways, Bear had always prepared me for this event since the day we got married. "Honey, you need to finish a degree, it doesn't matter what; just finish something so that if something happens to me, you can take care of yourself and the kids we might have." So, when I came to America, he immediately took me out to learn how to drive but with the combination of low esteem, low confidence and being a scaredy-cat, that was next to impossible. He didn't quit on me though, he never quit on me. Found me a private driving teacher and eventually, I learned how to drive. Now, taking the driving test to get my driver's license was another story. It took me 9 years since the day I arrived in America to get my driver's license. Bear was the happiest person when I finally got it. He knew I was off to start working on our dreams and going back to college was first in line but that didn't happen easily coz I can't drive on the freeways until I went to Pathways. My confidence and self-esteem got a boost and no one has stopped me ever since. My only regret is that I wish I listened to Bear earlier. When I first got here, I was comfortable of the life he gave me. I was happy to be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life and leave my other dreams behind. Bear took care of the family so well, we didn't really need another income but he would always remind me every day to go back to school; "get a degree so that if something happens to me...", was his famous line.
Bear didn't just prepare me for temporal needs, he also helped me grow spiritually and introduced me to the true gospel of Jesus Christ. His testimony of the church and the gospel was evident in the way he lived his life. The church was the only thing he was not willing to give up for me and I am so grateful for that. When I first joined the church, I didn't really feel like I've converted, I felt so out of place but my prayers told me I was in the right place so I stayed and went to church as a family every Sunday. My callings in the church, my own testimonies and the testimonies of others and the willingness of each member to serve others helped my heart to change. I remember Bear told me a few months ago, "I didn't think you were going to be strong in the church. I actually thought we'll be going to different churches on Sundays." Bear never forced me to do anything, he invited me to check out the church and learn what it's about but never made it a rule of some kind. Bear's passing has strengthened my faith. I remember when he was pronounced dead at the hospital, I cried "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, how am I supposed to be grateful for this?" I was not mad at God; I know we're all going to go some day. I know I am blessed too, very blessed but when something so big such as death happens, all the good things get overshadowed by the negative. I remember coming home that morning. Bro. Mather and Bro. Griffin had already cleaned up Bear's blood on the living room floor. As soon as daylight shined through, different sisters from the church came through my door almost every hour, gave me hugs and comfort, brought me food, cleaned up the mess around the house and stayed over the night to keep me company not to mention the Bishop and Pres. Castillo who were there that night to give me and the kids priesthood blessings. The church has been my family. I know Heavenly Father loves me but I feel His love the strongest at this time through the love and service of the many people everywhere who have reached out to me. The next day, my sister-in-law took me and the kids to my brother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving dinner. That morning, AJ found a big brown envelope on our mailbox. I was surprised to see that because it was a holiday. It might have came in the day before but it doesn't matter because what mattered was what's inside of it. It was our sealing certificate from the temple. Right then, I knew Heavenly Father answered my question "What am I supposed to be grateful for this?" I should be grateful for eternal families! While still in the hospital, Bear told me, "It doesn't really matter what will happen to me here, we're sealed now." That certificate was to remind me of that. Honestly, I didn't know there was going to be a certificate when we got sealed but I also wondered why it took so long to mail it. I believe it came that day because it was the day when I needed it the most.
Now that Bear is no longer here physically, some of you might think I'm defenseless and therefore, weak. Bear did not go through all that trouble to teach me everything from confidence to defending myself and loving my enemies if he knew I wouldn't make an A on it. Bear's efforts will not be wasted. He was a great teacher; I may have been a stubborn student but I'm smart. I learned from the best and I'll make him proud.
I love you the most, Bear!!!
Soon after we got married, we talked about where we should stay to raise our family; "We can stay here in the Philippines and live like gods," he said and although it sounded promising, it wasn't what I had in mind. Don't get me wrong, I love where I'm from but I'm not proud of the way things are in the Philippines. I watched my brothers worked so hard and earn $2-3 not per hour but per day; that's not the kind of future I've envisioned for my kids. Needless to say, we decided on raising our family here in America. It took almost a year after we got married before I got here. I thought it was a long time to be apart, I didn't know I had to wait even longer to be with him for eternity.
Bear loved me and I'm sure he still does on the other side; he loved me more than anyone else in this world ever did even my own family. I mean I know my family loves me but not like Bear did. Bear would go through all kinds of trouble to protect and defend me. It was his job, he said. His main goal in life was to make me smile and he took it seriously. There was not a day that goes by without him telling me he loved me. In fact, we had this silly thing started when I said I love him and he responded with "I love you more" and being the competitive person that I am, I came back and said "I love you the most". All throughout our marriage we'd race each other to say "I love you the most" so for the longest time, the regular "I love you" was replaced with "I love you the most." Bear was just as competitive as I am so one time at church when I just first got here, he was asked to do a talk for sacrament meeting. I can't remember what the talk was about because all I remember is that he ended it with "I love you the most" referring to me of course, which meant he won that day because there was no way I could respond. That silly man but I truly love him the most too.
Bear's love for me was not all about talk, he lived it every single day of his latter years. After we were married, I had to get off of a scholarship that I had availed in college. I thought I was being nice by deciding to get off of it so others can use the help that I no longer need because as my husband, Bear already took care of all my financial needs. The college did not take it the way I had pictured. They took it as a breach of contract and therefore as punishment, asked me to pay all the tuition fees I had incurred since freshmen. I was already in my senior year at this point so you can imagine the burden but the college probably thought, "Well, she's married to an American; he's got money." Bear was not rich but he could have paid it if he wanted to, but then Bear was not about to give in on that fight. He wrote the college a letter and even threatened to get the archbishop of Galveston, who he personally knew from working at the bishop's palace for an automation job, to get involved since it was a catholic college which was also ran by the archdiocese of the local city. To make a long story short, the college took the punishment off and left me alone. Bear stood up for me. No one has ever done that for me in my entire existence on earth, no one but Bear. Families, distant relatives, neighbors, friends, colleagues, everybody and I mean everybody knew that I now have a shield, a protector and therefore no one can harm me. Bear was the type of man who would take a bullet for me. No one disrespects me where I or Bear can hear it coz they know they'll get a piece of his mind.
Bear married me knowing I was so broken but he didn't tell me he knew that until we were married years later. My self-esteem was down to the floor and even though others might say I was "gutsy," my low esteem was as clear as daylight. I remember when we first met at the airport in Manila (capital of the Philippines); my cousin who I later found out had a hidden desire for my fiance, did a lot of the talking. Bear held my hand but I just stood there because I didn't know if he was still interested in me now that he had seen me face to face. Bear seemed to have a telepathic power over me because he seemed to know what I was feeling and immediately he told me, "Honey, you are gorgeous!" I smiled and my world changed for the better. Poor cousin was not a happy camper but that'll be for another story. My low self-esteem did not get fixed on day 1 though. Bear just like most men is a fixer, he told me so. He thought he could fix me; he tried every single day. He spent every day of our married life telling me, how great I am, how beautiful I am, how awesome I am, how smart I am and everything nice. He even thought I was sexy even though I never had a perfect body but I guess every husband does that. I never took his compliments seriously. I was raised in a society where looking like their own is considered ugly. I spent 20 years of my life in that environment; how can all those years be reversed with compliments? I would usually just say, "oh I know you say those things coz I'm your wife, every husband does that to their wives." "So, you think I'd travel halfway around the world to marry an ugly and stupid girl?", he'd say. I have no answer for that. I always thought Bear was a very smart guy, his words always made sense and he didn't just talk for the sake of talking or impressing. It's one of the many reasons why I married him. I wanted to be a "smart choice" and for that to happen, I had to marry a smart man. He was my best friend, we could talk about anything and everything under the sun. We would spend hours and hours of talking until it's already 2am. Oh how I miss those talks. We didn't have secrets, he knew every dirty little secret I've had and I know his as well. Bear always knew what to say too. Every time I get depressed because so and so did or said something to hurt my feelings, he always knew what to say to make me feel better. He taught me how to fight back and stand for myself. After we got married, he told me, "McKnight means from the family of the brave, you are now a McKnight which means you are brave." I believe he told me that to build up my confidence but I didn't really care what it means, I simply love it and I was so excited to change my name and vowed to never change it ever.
A couple of years ago, Bear finally found the solution on how to "fix" me. He found Pathways through Butch, a co-worker. Pathways has helped me a lot and although I wouldn't say I'm 100% fixed since I'm a daily work in progress, Pathways did help me find out who I truly am besides being a child of God and gave me tools that help me deal with the daily struggles of life. I met so many wonderful people who love me even after knowing all the ugly things in my closet (I love you 298!). I am grateful for Pathways and the things it has done for me because without it, I wouldn't be as sturdy as I am right now. Aside from Pathways, Bear had always prepared me for this event since the day we got married. "Honey, you need to finish a degree, it doesn't matter what; just finish something so that if something happens to me, you can take care of yourself and the kids we might have." So, when I came to America, he immediately took me out to learn how to drive but with the combination of low esteem, low confidence and being a scaredy-cat, that was next to impossible. He didn't quit on me though, he never quit on me. Found me a private driving teacher and eventually, I learned how to drive. Now, taking the driving test to get my driver's license was another story. It took me 9 years since the day I arrived in America to get my driver's license. Bear was the happiest person when I finally got it. He knew I was off to start working on our dreams and going back to college was first in line but that didn't happen easily coz I can't drive on the freeways until I went to Pathways. My confidence and self-esteem got a boost and no one has stopped me ever since. My only regret is that I wish I listened to Bear earlier. When I first got here, I was comfortable of the life he gave me. I was happy to be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life and leave my other dreams behind. Bear took care of the family so well, we didn't really need another income but he would always remind me every day to go back to school; "get a degree so that if something happens to me...", was his famous line.
Bear didn't just prepare me for temporal needs, he also helped me grow spiritually and introduced me to the true gospel of Jesus Christ. His testimony of the church and the gospel was evident in the way he lived his life. The church was the only thing he was not willing to give up for me and I am so grateful for that. When I first joined the church, I didn't really feel like I've converted, I felt so out of place but my prayers told me I was in the right place so I stayed and went to church as a family every Sunday. My callings in the church, my own testimonies and the testimonies of others and the willingness of each member to serve others helped my heart to change. I remember Bear told me a few months ago, "I didn't think you were going to be strong in the church. I actually thought we'll be going to different churches on Sundays." Bear never forced me to do anything, he invited me to check out the church and learn what it's about but never made it a rule of some kind. Bear's passing has strengthened my faith. I remember when he was pronounced dead at the hospital, I cried "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, how am I supposed to be grateful for this?" I was not mad at God; I know we're all going to go some day. I know I am blessed too, very blessed but when something so big such as death happens, all the good things get overshadowed by the negative. I remember coming home that morning. Bro. Mather and Bro. Griffin had already cleaned up Bear's blood on the living room floor. As soon as daylight shined through, different sisters from the church came through my door almost every hour, gave me hugs and comfort, brought me food, cleaned up the mess around the house and stayed over the night to keep me company not to mention the Bishop and Pres. Castillo who were there that night to give me and the kids priesthood blessings. The church has been my family. I know Heavenly Father loves me but I feel His love the strongest at this time through the love and service of the many people everywhere who have reached out to me. The next day, my sister-in-law took me and the kids to my brother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving dinner. That morning, AJ found a big brown envelope on our mailbox. I was surprised to see that because it was a holiday. It might have came in the day before but it doesn't matter because what mattered was what's inside of it. It was our sealing certificate from the temple. Right then, I knew Heavenly Father answered my question "What am I supposed to be grateful for this?" I should be grateful for eternal families! While still in the hospital, Bear told me, "It doesn't really matter what will happen to me here, we're sealed now." That certificate was to remind me of that. Honestly, I didn't know there was going to be a certificate when we got sealed but I also wondered why it took so long to mail it. I believe it came that day because it was the day when I needed it the most.
Now that Bear is no longer here physically, some of you might think I'm defenseless and therefore, weak. Bear did not go through all that trouble to teach me everything from confidence to defending myself and loving my enemies if he knew I wouldn't make an A on it. Bear's efforts will not be wasted. He was a great teacher; I may have been a stubborn student but I'm smart. I learned from the best and I'll make him proud.
I love you the most, Bear!!!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
eulogy
When we went to Pathways, we had an activity where we wrote our own eulogy. I have not shown Bear mine and this is the first time I've seen his. I thought it would help some people and give them closure. Before you go on and read, I think it is important to go over a few things. Bear has six kids, three from me, two from his ex-wife and one from his teenage years. In case, one day this son will find out who his real dad is and will be lead to this blog, I want him to know that Bear loved him. He was the main reason why Bear joined the army so he could marry the mother of this child since Bear was only 17 when the child was born and could not legally marry. However, while in the army, she (the child's mother) died in an auto accident. Anyway, his first born son's name is Jason Shane Floyd (mother's maiden name) but his adoptive parents must have changed it. Bear told me he only saw him once on the day the baby was born but he was never allowed to hold him and his name was not on the birth certificate (that's why it is so hard to find him). Bear spent a whole lot of resources to find him. When I first came to America 13 years ago, I found application papers to find kids who were put up for adoption, around the apartment where we used to live. When Bear went to Pathways, one of his main goal after graduation was to find Jason Shane. We went on troythelocator.com and paid them a pretty high amount but they only got our hopes up and never gave us positive results. At one time, I thought about writing Oprah so she could help but then Oprah went off the air so I never got the chance. What was important to Bear was important to me. It brought me joy to see his face light up every time someone from troythelocator.com gave him a call. Oh I just miss him so much but tonight I especially miss his voice. I hope he'll come to my dreams and talk to me. I'd really love that.
The Eulogy for Art McKnight (by Art McKnight, June 2012)
Art to his acquaintances, Deen to his family and Bear to his wife and closest buddies. He was a giver who always put himself second to the needs of others. He believed this service would gain him the respect of those individuals but knew God would bless him for it. He was successful but never took credit. He was generous even though it left him without, again putting himself second.
The father of six children, having 5 grandchildren-- three or more he has never seen. To them he says to forgive their parents because they only did what they were taught.
His wife was his treasure that he always put first and never retaliated when hurt. His love for her drove the latter years of his life. He was a cub scout leader and worked with his children in their sporting activities. He always tried to be there for them and supportive of their efforts.
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