Excuse my absence, I have been busy with school. It takes more than 50% of my time these days; the rest of my time gets spent on the kids and other things on the side that I have to attend to. My loss is still painful; it’s amazing how saying “I miss you, Bear” can bring tears to my eyes no matter what the situation is. Matter of fact while I was driving home from school today, I did just that. I talk to Bear like I used to. I can’t hear his voice but in a way, I kind of know what his answers are. I missed how Bear always had the right words to make me feel better, I believe it’s a gift. Just recently, I had a little incident that I needed his words badly to calm me down. I know what he would have told me but it isn’t just the same as hearing it. The good thing is there’s always prayer and Heavenly Father can always help calm me down so it’s not so bad. Anyway, I thought I’d continue my side of the story; my goal is to make as many entries as I can to reach 100 pages for a book I wanted to print. I am currently at 40 pages right now so I’m not even half-way to my goal but that’s ok, somehow I’ll get there one day.
When Bear made his intentions clear to me, he immediately booked his flight to see me in person. I know it’s weird to plan a wedding before someone actually proposes to you much less see you in person but we did just that. I remember feeling December 2000 just couldn’t get here fast enough. About a week before Bear will set foot in Manila, my mom had asked my cousin Joyal to accompany me to Manila or in other words be my chaperone. Joyal used to work and live in Manila for quite some time in the past so she knew the place well; that’s why my mom chose her. I’m not close to Joyal at all; I wouldn’t even say we were friends. I mean we talk when we see each other but it’s not that often. She’s more than 10 years older than me, 225lbs at the time and single, don’t ask me why. There’s no emotional connection between her and myself not even a bond although we are supposed to be cousins. Why am I talking about her so much in this post? Because I am trying to establish a background of our relationship that will affect something in the next paragraphs. I have contemplated if I should write about this part or not but later on decided that it is a crucial part of the story because you know, what interesting story is there without a good villain? HAHA! Exactly! Besides, this will probably be a good story for my grandkids in the future.
So, Bear sent me the money to pay for our plane tickets to Manila. I have already resigned from my job at this time so I have no direct connection to the internet but Joyal’s friend Dra. (as in female doctor, I can’t remember her name but people call her Dra. all the time) had a computer with an internet connection at her home. Since they were supposed to be best friends, Dra allowed me to come to her house and use it to chat with Bear for the last time before we’ll see each other in person. Aw! How nice of her and I was grateful but I thought I was going to be chatting with my fiancé, it turned out to be a dictated chat, meaning they told me what to say and all I can do is type away! Bear and I had been chatting everyday for about 9 months at this time; he knew me very well! I remember he said it didn’t sound like me; I later called him on the phone and told him what happened, he understood the situation and went on with our plan. Before I left Dra’s house, I remember she told Joyal that her and Bear would make a great-looking couple because I supposedly look like a child. She added that she believed Bear would not go on to marry me but instead he will fall for Joyal (seriously Dra. too much soap?). I didn’t say a word; I don’t remember getting offended either because for some reason I thought she was just teasing.
Joyal and I left Davao early in the morning on the 16th of December 2000; Bear’s flight was scheduled to land in Manila on the 17th of December. Joyal and I stayed at her sister’s in-law’s house. It was a huge home, they were pretty well off and even though I didn’t know them very well, they welcomed me in their home and allowed me to stay over the night. We woke up early the next morning. Bear was supposed to be there at 6am, so we were on our way at 5am coz you know Manila traffic is crazy but before we left, for some reason Joyal turned to me and said “I’ll sleep with Art tonight. You can sleep with him when we get to Davao.” I didn’t know what to say but like before I was not offended; I felt weird as to why she would say such a thing but I was not worried at all. We got to the airport a little past 6am; I didn’t know Bear’s plane landed an hour earlier but at this time, it didn’t seem to bother him. We had previously discussed what color shirts we were going to wear so it would be easier to identify ourselves from the crowd. I wore a red blouse and he had a blue shirt on. He was more handsome than his picture, I screamed “Bear!” from across the line, you know the kind that they have at the movies to get people in line when they come in early and the rooms aren’t ready yet? I didn’t think, wait let me rephrase that, I did not use my brain at all. I went under the line and ran up to Bear, I gave him a hug and a kiss. It was so weird but I felt like I’ve known him forever. It didn’t feel like we just met; I seriously felt like I knew and met this man a long time ago. After joining the church, I totally understand why I felt that way; because I did know and met him a long time ago, in the pre-mortal world. Our spirits just bonded like we were just catching up.
Joyal and her brother (he lives in the area) came and joined us. I introduced them and we moved outside to get a cab. Bear was holding my hand this entire time but I was just quiet. My low self-esteem crept up on me and suddenly, I was fearful; I was afraid Bear wouldn’t like me now that he had seen me, most guys did! Joyal chatted with him. So many little things they talked about but the only thing I remember is that she asked him how much he weighed, HAHA! No kidding! I didn’t know it’s rude to ask about someone’s weight until I came to America but I remember Bear said 225lbs and Joyal exclaimed with glee, “me too!” like it was supposed to be a good thing? HAHA! Bear noticed my silence, it seemed as if he can read my mind; it was either that or my face just really looked too obvious. He looked at me and said, “You are gorgeous!” I smiled and my worry—gone!
We found a hotel near the US embassy; it was a suite with 2 beds and a living room. Bear gave us the two beds and he decided to sleep on the sofa. There was a little partition between the bedroom and the living room so it wasn’t as if we were doing something inappropriate. However, in the middle of the night, I got really cold. I’ve never slept with an a/c before and I was freezing, I couldn’t get myself to sleep at all so I got up and asked Bear if he could turn it up for me. Instead of going back to bed, Bear and I sat on the sofa all night listening to the songs on his laptop that he was going to leave with me in Davao. The sofa was wide that when you lay on its back, it would look like you were laying down. Bear and I did hug and kiss but we did not touch inappropriately. Unknown to us, Joyal had been texting her sister in Davao about what had happened. To this day, I have no idea what the exact message was but it came out as me being a bad girl for getting out of bed and going to a guy’s bed (sofa in this case). I guess in a way I understand how that could look bad but as chaperone, maybe she should have told me, “hey Marissa get back on your bed!” or something along those lines. This little smoke that I was unaware of spread out into a forest fire in 24hours! I had no clue until I called my mom when we got back to Davao days later that all these had been going on behind my back and if you know my mom, well let’s just say that had I known that this was happening, I would have probably just asked Bear to elope.
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